Sunday, May 16, 2010

coram deo

Today has been a bit of a struggle.  One of those days where I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment (which means it was probably not the greatest idea to get my haircut today.  Oh well.).  Nothing particular set me off - no triggers that I can recall .  We finally had a day that acted like spring and was warm, which was amazing considering I was still wearing my down jacket earlier in the week.  I went to a different church this morning because a friend was being confirmed & commissioned.  Prior to leaving I was on facebook & noticed that her status read "coram deo."  I thought this was interesting and didn't really know what the English translation of this Latin phrase was, so I did what any normal human being does.  I googled it!  This exposition from R.C. Sproul came up (click here to read the entire essay).  Coram deo literally means "to live in the presence of God."  I like what R.C. Sproul says in the essay: 
"To live coram Deo is to live one's entire life in the presence of God, under the authority of God, to the glory of God."  
What would it look like for me to live coram deo?  I've been wrestling with this concept for quite some time as I delve into heart issues, grief, hope deferred, and simply what it looks like to be Christ to those that surround me in the day to day.  How do I love people well and invest in them?  How do I do Life at work?  With my family?  Friends?
I feel very unsatisfied and unsettled right now.  I'm not sure why and have tried to process this feeling.  Part of this sense is that life is not quite what I expected now that I've started working.  Part of it is that I need to re-evaluate my goals & expectations.  Part of it is living in a broken world.  As C.S. Lewis writes: "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."  I was not created for this broken body & fallen world.  Yet this is all part of sanctification & the plan that God has for my life.  I want to live coram deo in this world and around those I interact with day by day.


Keri said...

Thanks for sharing Natasha! I think we all have those times where we feel restless and unsatisfied, like we are waiting for the next big thing to happen. It's a struggle to enjoy today and be content in the moment, especially when things don't turn out the way we anticipated they would. I'm praying for you as you navigate through all the grief of losing your dad and the challenges of being a working professional! Just remember that being right where God put you is the best place to be. Can't wait to see your story unfold!

anna said...

good words girl. I totally agree...

chelsey said...

I feel like I am going, or have been going through the same thing - the sense of being unsatisfied, frustrated and just "down."

I am feeling more optimism lately, but am even scared of optimism now - like it all could crumble again. It's really hard!!!

One thing that has crossed my mind lately is Einstein's slightly silly quote: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

It's hard to maintain a positive attitude while making changes (it takes energy I sometimes feel like I don't have!) - but so far it seems to be working for me.