Today has been a bit of a struggle. One of those days where I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment (which means it was probably not the greatest idea to get my haircut today. Oh well.). Nothing particular set me off - no triggers that I can recall . We finally had a day that acted like spring and was warm, which was amazing considering I was still wearing my down jacket earlier in the week. I went to a different church this morning because a friend was being confirmed & commissioned. Prior to leaving I was on facebook & noticed that her status read "coram deo." I thought this was interesting and didn't really know what the English translation of this Latin phrase was, so I did what any normal human being does. I googled it! This exposition from R.C. Sproul came up (click here to read the entire essay). Coram deo literally means "to live in the presence of God." I like what R.C. Sproul says in the essay:
"To live coram Deo is to live one's entire life in the presence of God, under the authority of God, to the glory of God."
What would it look like for me to live coram deo? I've been wrestling with this concept for quite some time as I delve into heart issues, grief, hope deferred, and simply what it looks like to be Christ to those that surround me in the day to day. How do I love people well and invest in them? How do I do Life at work? With my family? Friends?
I feel very unsatisfied and unsettled right now. I'm not sure why and have tried to process this feeling. Part of this sense is that life is not quite what I expected now that I've started working. Part of it is that I need to re-evaluate my goals & expectations. Part of it is living in a broken world. As C.S. Lewis writes: "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." I was not created for this broken body & fallen world. Yet this is all part of sanctification & the plan that God has for my life. I want to live coram deo in this world and around those I interact with day by day.