I have been on a journey (still am), if you haven't noticed. Part of my path has been to come to a crossroad recently. I have been really challenged with what & where God wants me. I have so many dreams & desires. God has asked me if I'm ready to give those to Him. To lay them down, trusting Him for something completely different. I thought long & hard about this proposition. Weighing it all, but knowing that ultimately, how can I refuse my Lord? How could I truly say to God "my way is better?" He has asked me to delight in Him. To stay where I am for the rest of my life (physically) or move all over creation, if He so desires. To be single or with a family. But first & foremost to delight in doing what He asks.
This may sound like a very bizarre concept to some of you. I know, because at first it sounded insane to me. God reminded me of a passage from C.S. Lewis' Perelandra, which is part of the Space Trilogy, recounting the adventures of Dr. Ransom. This quote in particular is what hit me: "This man has said that the law against living on the Fixed Island is different from the other Laws, because it is not the same for all worlds and because we cannot see the goodness in it. And so far he says well. But then he says that it is thus different in order that you may disobey it. But there might be another reason. . . I think He made one law of that kind in order that there might be obedience. In all these other matters what you call obeying Him is but doing what seems good in your own eyes also. Is love content with that? You do them, indeed, because they are His will, but not only because they are His will. Where can you taste the joy of obeying unless He bids you do something for which His bidding is the only reason? When we spoke last you said that if you told the beasts to walk on their heads they would delight to do so. So I know that you understand well what I am saying." I know it may be a bit difficult to follow out of context (please read the books! They are great!). But the general idea is delighting in obedience even when I don't "get it." Even when what I'm being asked to obey seems completely in the opposite direction of where I'm headed.
Part of this journey has also been in trust. Moving trust in God from a circumstance based trust to a trust that supersedes my surroundings. If my trust is based on God doing or not doing something, then if what I fear to happen occurs, my "trust" is shattered. This revelation has been part of the process of working through fears & insecurities, which has been greatly due to reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore.
Can I face my fears head on & still trust God? Can I delight regardless of the direction my life takes & the ways I'm asked to obey? Only God knows that I will fall short constantly, but I am asking for the grace for today & to cover my worries based on tomorrow.