I recently went to see the movie "Something Borrowed" after reading the book while on vacation in Hawaii. I wasn't thoroughly impressed with the book, finding it slightly entertaining, but not really identifying with it too much. But for some reason I resonated with the movie. I think listening to the explanation of what tension was trying to be conveyed by the producers was helpful. The movie centers around a woman who has just turned 30, and looking back wondering if she missed a chance for love. This main character is very career driven and goal oriented in her 20s, but is now wondering if that was part of the trade off. I could relate to this tension and doubt so thoroughly. What if I hadn't told someone that I "just want to be friends." Would he have responded differently? Would he have acted?
For the most part, the men I've "dated" (a very loose term, as none of them actually wanted to call it that, which is another problem in and of itself), I've looked back on now and realized that I'm glad it didn't work. God knew exactly what He was doing and rescued me from some very unhealthy situations on both sides. I've come to recognize my own unhealthy tendencies as well and the issues in my family (especially with my Dad) that contributed to how I interact in relationships. I feel like I could approach a relationship now with much more confidence in who I am and a greater ability to communicate. There's still that one friendship that I look back to and wonder "what if."
Now, I will keep on living the life that I've been directed to and pray that God will continue to receive honor and glory and praise. It's not what I expected, but I know that the Lord will continue to be my portion and enough now and always.