there'll be days like this...

"There'll be days like this, there'll be days like this, my momma said...."  That's kind of how I feel today.  It really wasn't a bad day.  I woke up to a light dusting of snow outside, but I get to park in the garage (which is way more reliable than I man, I've been told).  I saw wonderful children today, with no issues.  But after work is when the simmering surface boiled over.

I started to recognize one of the core issues that I struggle with on a regular basis.  I have this awful tendency (thank you, humanity) for measuring myself against other people & finding myself one up or one down.  I started thinking about how I'm going to Kansas City in a little over a week, where I will be surrounded by dear friends from college who are all married & have children.  Minus 1 for me.  I started thinking about friends moving away and the grief that I'm trying to learn how to feel in the midst of that.  Another minus 1 for me.  I drifted toward the issue of relationships and my lack thereof, and how even my Mother once told me I should just settle.  That one was like a minus 1,000.  I continued to do this as I thought about so many things, until before I realized it, the floor had fallen out from under me and I was like negative 1.5 million.

How did that happen?  How did the enemy come in and start planting awful things in my mind?  How do I combat such unconscious attacks on my confidence and self-worth?  My head knows that I'm a daughter of the King of kings and I am fully known by Him and fully loved.  But I feel like so little around me affirms my value.  So this is what I'm wrestling with tonight and I'm sure I'll wrestle with it for a while longer, too.