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I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I guess it comes with uncertainty and also a strong pull to be in close relationship with Christ. I want to be exactly where He wants me and that starts with where my relationship is with Him. I have a tendency to keep myself busy and not stop to really focus on what's important. I've purposely cleared much of my schedule this weekend to spend time with the Lord.
I do want to share some fun stuff that I found. I don't generally read Relevant magazine, but my friend, Nic, shared this article with me (click here and go to page 45) about "Stuff Christians Like" and number 3 is "The Gift of Singleness." I love the satire, probably because I've had many well-intentioned people tell me many of the things in the article. I also found the website for the basis of this article. The piece that relates to the gift of singleness is "#550 Surviving Church as a Single." I find it extremely funny, especially with the scorecard. I think my scorecard total tally is about 27.
All that said, I feel like I'm in a much better place than I have been previously. I've really come to the realization that I don't know what I want overall - in life, in a job, in a relationship, etc. God has really challenged me to lay this down at His feet and trust that wanting Him and His will is going to be far better than anything that I could dream or plan.
This weekend is Memorial Day, and I want to take some time to think about those who have served and those who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect our freedoms as well. I think of my great-uncle, Bill, who passed away on the USS Arizona at Pearl Harbor, I think of another great-uncle who spent time in a POW camp in the Pacific during WWII. I think of my Dad and the sacrifices we made as a family. I think of all those who are serving today who are so important to me. I don't usually like Thomas Jefferson's writings and typically prefer Washington, Adams or Lincoln, but this quote is pretty powerful: "Occasionally the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of Patriots and Tyrants." Also, one by John F. Kennedy, "The cost of freedom is always high, but Americans have always paid it." May we never forget that freedom is not free.
Today has been a bit of a struggle. One of those days where I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment (which means it was probably not the greatest idea to get my haircut today. Oh well.). Nothing particular set me off - no triggers that I can recall . We finally had a day that acted like spring and was warm, which was amazing considering I was still wearing my down jacket earlier in the week. I went to a different church this morning because a friend was being confirmed & commissioned. Prior to leaving I was on facebook & noticed that her status read "coram deo." I thought this was interesting and didn't really know what the English translation of this Latin phrase was, so I did what any normal human being does. I googled it! This exposition from R.C. Sproul came up (click here to read the entire essay). Coram deo literally means "to live in the presence of God." I like what R.C. Sproul says in the essay:
"To live coram Deo is to live one's entire life in the presence of God, under the authority of God, to the glory of God."
What would it look like for me to live coram deo? I've been wrestling with this concept for quite some time as I delve into heart issues, grief, hope deferred, and simply what it looks like to be Christ to those that surround me in the day to day. How do I love people well and invest in them? How do I do Life at work? With my family? Friends?
I feel very unsatisfied and unsettled right now. I'm not sure why and have tried to process this feeling. Part of this sense is that life is not quite what I expected now that I've started working. Part of it is that I need to re-evaluate my goals & expectations. Part of it is living in a broken world. As C.S. Lewis writes: "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." I was not created for this broken body & fallen world. Yet this is all part of sanctification & the plan that God has for my life. I want to live coram deo in this world and around those I interact with day by day.
I fell off the face of the planet for a couple of weeks because of a hectic schedule. Now I'm back! I have so much to share, too.
First, I finally got my car about a month ago. Here's a picture of my new little ride.
My friend, Nicole, got in the car & promptly told me it was a "mom" car. Thanks, Nic. Oh well, if that's in the future, maybe then I'll already be prepared.
Next, I went to Cincinnati last weekend with my dear friend, Grace. Her family was incredibly welcoming & kind during my stay. I would like to take an annual retreat to their home just to relax! Grace & I ran the Flying Pig 1/2 Marathon a week ago in the midst of thunderstorms & rain through the entire race. We finished though!
We celebrated by going to tea at an amazing little place in Cincinnati, going to dinner at a Japanese steakhouse & then going to see the movie "How to Train Your Dragon." If you have children, this movie is great (& even if you don't have kids it's great!)! I had to say goodbye to Grace this week as she is moving on to grad school back east. I feel a definite sense of loss in saying goodbye to her.
I also went to a dear friend's baby shower today. One of the few people in town that has known me since college. She & her husband are moving in less than a month, which is also saddening, even though I know the Lord will use them in mighty ways where they move next. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of Rach's shower, sorry KC friends.
Well, that's just a short update on life right now. Hopefully I'll get back into the blogging mindset again soon!
