a little bit of my heart

recent times

2011-10-16T16:27:00.000-07:00

I moved about a month and a half ago. Since the move, life has continued to be chaotic, with glimpses of rest in my new place. I've been steadily addressing things in the new place since I moved. From unpacking boxes and bins (and discovering things I haven't used in a while!), to arranging for a plumber to come fix the leaky sink and putting in a new heater filter, this has been an adventure. I have a landlord, but they live in a different town, meaning that I still frequently have to take care of things, since there's no property management company.

I've learned to enjoy the solitude. Coming home to the quiet, listening to the aspen trees rustle outside my windows, are part of my new ambiance. I've been decorating and unpacking, getting bookshelves from IKEA to store my massive collection of books that have accumulated over the years (thanks to my Kindle, the collection won't grow too much or have to be toted with me in boxes). I bought a heated mattress pad, purely on the justification that I should be able to get into a warm bed at night. For those of you not living in this part of the country, it gets pretty chilly at night, especially since my place faces north.

I continue to wrestle with some intense things. I think that God is trying to "clean out the closets" which happens to be rather painful. It's really hard to objectively see past relationships (with family, friends, dating, etc) as what they were (such as neglectful, unhealthy and negative). I've discovered that some friendships that I thought were "safe" were actually not, and I've had to put distance where it is needed.

In the midst of this, my church has started a series on Extravagant Grace. 1 John 3:1 comes to mind every time I sit through one of the messages "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called the children of God! And that is what we are!" A love & grace that reminds me of my status in God's eyes - a beloved, precious, and cherished daughter. He doesn't do other things when I talk to Him, His attention is on me! I don't have to fight to be heard, or wonder if He cares. I don't have to live under the oppressive burden of shame or guilt - two uninvited guests that tend to show up about the same time that depression and loneliness arrive. I'm called to live, actually live, in freedom! Our pastor made a statement that caused me to think & I'll pass it along: "Just because we are free doesn't mean that we'll live like we're free." I'm tired of living like a convict, like a thieving Jean Valjean from Les Miserables. I want to run in freedom & feel the wind of that freedom against my skin!

Hopefully next time I write I'll have some pictures of my place or something else fun!

packing up

2011-08-07T20:35:00.000-07:00

This weekend I really entered packing mode. It's not my favorite way to operate, and I generally detest this, but I know in the end the process will lead to greater sanity for me. I haven't lived on my own since I was in Africa, which some people have ventured to say doesn't count. Just for the record, if you have to arrange your own taxi rides with people who don't speak English, ward off school age children with glue strapped under their noses and at the end of the day come up with something to do from 3pm until the next morning with spotty internet connection, no similar age friends and only small geckos to keep you company, it totally counts. Probably more so than here.

Anyway, I am moving at the end of the month. I am excited to announce that I will be in a place where I get to decorate and determine the level of cleanliness. And it has a washer & drier, which is probably the most exciting thing (that and the balcony for which I bought a small patio set). l am greatly looking forward to this next stage, but less looking forward to the actual process of moving.

I have thus determined that if I'm going to make this process as painless as possible, I need to pack at least 4 boxes every weekend from now until my move-in date. I started with the kitchen, which is where everything has mixed together the most. It's been really challenging, especially when it's 90 degrees and the basement is flooded so everything from the basement is now in the living spaces of the house. Good thing we're down a roommate for a while.

In the purging, I've discovered that I have more spices than most people should ever be allowed to have. I also discovered that I am out of cumin, which is exceedingly important for making Mexican food. So much for limiting my spices! Out I ventured to the local spice shop and bought a large spice rack. Why, you ask, did I not purchase one at Bed, Bath & Beyond, like most people? Biggest reason: they're not big enough! I can only find ones there that hold 20 bottles. I need something that holds in the realm of 30-40 bottles of spices. Crazy, I know.

All this to say, I met my quota for packing this weekend. Next adventure: ginger peach jam making after I go to the farmer's market next weekend and buy an extremely large box of peaches. Look for the post!

long time gone...

2011-07-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

The past month and a half has been so full of changes and challenges, that I don't know where to begin.

I had my 3rd annual 4th of July brunch which I hosted with my roommates. It was amazing and we had so many people come through! I loved the age range and some of the adorable little ones that came through our door.

I attempted to hike Long's Peak as well. I discovered that it's a Class III (on a scale of I-V, where V is the most technical), and decided at the Keyhole to turn around for the sake of my mental stamina. I only got about 45 minutes of sleep the night before in a very noisy campground and was feeling pretty worn down. After picking my way through the Boulderfield to the Keyhole with a pack on my back with an ice axe, microspikes and a helmet, which kept shifting forward on my body every time I leaned forward throwing off my balance, it was time to turn around. I think it was totally a blessing, because the rest of my group ended up on the summit seeing lightning as a storm was coming in. I made it to tree line right around the time said storm got started. When I got back to the trailhead, I saw a quadruple rainbow! Unfortunately, no pictures of that rainbow.

My ridiculously large pack. Ice axe, microspikes & helmet included.

At the beginning of the alpine meadow.

On the way up to the Keyhole, which is behind me and just to the right.

What I've really enjoyed lately though has been my art class. I signed up to take a watercolor class at the local fine arts center, and have not regretted it at all. I've explored different techniques and styles, and have simply savored the creative outlet. There's something about doing art that gives me solitude and a sense of peace. Maybe it's the search to create something beautiful and experience God in that capacity. Maybe it's the relief from the stress of my job and other areas of life. All that said, I think I'll be signing up for additional classes in the future.

Starfish on a rock - using plastic wrap, rubbing alcohol, and salt for creating texture.

A piece I created for a friend, based on Psalm 27:14 (Amplified version).

A study on light using glass and fruit to capture the shape & shading of the objects.

something borrowed

2011-06-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

I recently went to see the movie "Something Borrowed" after reading the book while on vacation in Hawaii. I wasn't thoroughly impressed with the book, finding it slightly entertaining, but not really identifying with it too much. But for some reason I resonated with the movie. I think listening to the explanation of what tension was trying to be conveyed by the producers was helpful. The movie centers around a woman who has just turned 30, and looking back wondering if she missed a chance for love. This main character is very career driven and goal oriented in her 20s, but is now wondering if that was part of the trade off. I could relate to this tension and doubt so thoroughly. What if I hadn't told someone that I "just want to be friends." Would he have responded differently? Would he have acted?

For the most part, the men I've "dated" (a very loose term, as none of them actually wanted to call it that, which is another problem in and of itself), I've looked back on now and realized that I'm glad it didn't work. God knew exactly what He was doing and rescued me from some very unhealthy situations on both sides. I've come to recognize my own unhealthy tendencies as well and the issues in my family (especially with my Dad) that contributed to how I interact in relationships. I feel like I could approach a relationship now with much more confidence in who I am and a greater ability to communicate. There's still that one friendship that I look back to and wonder "what if."

Now, I will keep on living the life that I've been directed to and pray that God will continue to receive honor and glory and praise. It's not what I expected, but I know that the Lord will continue to be my portion and enough now and always.

Memorial Day

2011-05-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

In light of today being Memorial Day, I thought I'd post a couple of pictures from my time in Hawaii. Specifically of the USS Arizona Memorial, which is the site of my great-uncle's grave. His name was William Curry, and he is listed on the memorial wall, as you can see in the picture below.

My grandfather was supposed to arrive at the naval base at Pearl Harbor on December 8, 1941. His ship was detained leaving San Diego and due to the attack on December 7, they arrived on Christmas Eve 1941. He was issued a torch cutter and locker upon arrival at Pearl Harbor and sent to begin salvaging right away.

My family has proudly served our country for many generations, and I hope that I will never forget the legacy that they have left. During World War II, one grandpa served in the Navy all over the Pacific during many different campaigns. My other grandpa served in the Army in Europe. My Dad also served, which allowed me to grow up experiencing different cultures and meeting people from different walks of life.

One of my favorite quotes in regards to freedom and remembrance is one from John F. Kennedy, "The cost of freedom is always high - and Americans have always paid it." Remember that as you read this post & think of our service men & women who have paid that price.

lately

2011-05-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

I have been a delinquent blogger lately. I keep thinking about it and then realize that I really have nothing new to say. So here are some pictures of life lately.

I went to Kansas City in April to see family & dear friends. Here's one picture from our dinner at Lidia's. I love that restaurant so much and the women I was there with even more!

Next came Easter lunch. I woke up to snow on Easter morning. At the end of April. Thank you, Colorado, for the reminder that I no longer live in the midwest, but in a place where winter lasts 6 months of the year. Fortunately the buds on the trees and the flowers don't seem to have been terribly affected, although the grass is still dreadfully brown.

We had amazing Curry Chicken Salad with hummus, veggies, fruit salad, mimosas and a lemon meringue pie for dessert!

The roommates that were around for Easter!

In preparation for the Royal Wedding, my roommate, Lauren, and I decided to pretend we were on the balcony at Buckingham Palace waving to the crowds while they cheered for the much anticipated kiss. Mr. Higgins (the llama) humored us by being our prince. Sadly, he did not turn into a handsome prince!

Lauren also decorated the mantle with Union Jacks and all other kinds of British decor. My Paddington Bear is the only thing missing (any idea where it is, Mom?).

Finally, the Royal Wedding party day! I made chocolate hazelnut biscotti, maple scones, tea & coffee and bought McVities chocolate digestives (cookies) to serve too! I got up at 2am to start watching the festivities, and other people joined me about 3am. I thought Catherine's dress was breathtaking! I'm really not a big fan of the strapless dress, and her dress was so elegant & timeless with the French Chantilly lace sleeves. My dear friend, Dustin, was actually in London at Buckingham Palace watching all the people go by in the cars & carriages. He took some awesome pictures. Here are a few of the party that I had at the house. Seven people got up super early to attend!

I think this was when the Bishop of London was giving his amazing message. He preached the Word for so many billions of people to hear! I also loved that Romans 12:1-2 was read.

Eva stayed the night and humored me by wearing her tiara too. Don't we look amazing for 3am?

All of this to say that life has not been dull in the past month. I've been reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer's book Life Together for the second time, but doing it with my Navigators City Life team. I was really struck this week by a quote that says "The church does not need brilliant personalities, but faithful servants of Jesus Christ." When I'm feeling inadequate or like I fall short, I hope to return to this principal. God uses sinners!

there'll be days like this...

2011-03-29T20:11:00.000-07:00

"There'll be days like this, there'll be days like this, my momma said...." That's kind of how I feel today. It really wasn't a bad day. I woke up to a light dusting of snow outside, but I get to park in the garage (which is way more reliable than I man, I've been told). I saw wonderful children today, with no issues. But after work is when the simmering surface boiled over.

I started to recognize one of the core issues that I struggle with on a regular basis. I have this awful tendency (thank you, humanity) for measuring myself against other people & finding myself one up or one down. I started thinking about how I'm going to Kansas City in a little over a week, where I will be surrounded by dear friends from college who are all married & have children. Minus 1 for me. I started thinking about friends moving away and the grief that I'm trying to learn how to feel in the midst of that. Another minus 1 for me. I drifted toward the issue of relationships and my lack thereof, and how even my Mother once told me I should just settle. That one was like a minus 1,000. I continued to do this as I thought about so many things, until before I realized it, the floor had fallen out from under me and I was like negative 1.5 million.

How did that happen? How did the enemy come in and start planting awful things in my mind? How do I combat such unconscious attacks on my confidence and self-worth? My head knows that I'm a daughter of the King of kings and I am fully known by Him and fully loved. But I feel like so little around me affirms my value. So this is what I'm wrestling with tonight and I'm sure I'll wrestle with it for a while longer, too.

non-negotiables

2011-02-27T11:37:00.000-08:00

I'm laying down on the couch today with my computer in my lap. I'm drifting in & out of sleep as I type this, so excuse how direct or silly it may be. I have developed the most severe case of right sided nasal congestion that I can remember having in a long time. I almost fell asleep during church this morning due to the exhaustion from fighting another sickness. Thankfully, my co-worker & her husband that I sat with were exceedingly understanding of my fog horn nose blowing throughout the service!

I've been reading a book by Kevin DeYoung called "Just Do Something," with the subtitle of "How to make a decision without dreams, visions, fleeces, impressions, open doors, random Bible verses, casting lots, liver shivers, writing in the sky, etc." I've found it especially enlightening in how he presents finding God's will. He describes our generation (the 20s-30s) as a cohort of tinkering millennials. We "tinker" with faith, with jobs & careers, with the idea of family or missions, but we lack the drive & desire to commit to something and stick with it. I don't always agree with everything he presents, but for the most part, it is very true. I also want to throw it in the face of about a dozen Christian men that I know who are expecting the perfect godly woman to fall into their laps without their having to take any initiative. I would like to get up & preach that to these men, but for some reason I think my opinion would be discounted. I have this thing that the older generation of men really need to take the younger generation under their wing and say something along the lines of, "Do you think that the Lord is leading you in the direction or given you the desire to be married and have a family? You do? That's great! Now, instead of sitting on your bum, get up & start looking around you for a godly Christian woman & pursue her!" Just saying.

That in mind, my roommate and I had a very candid conversation after I got back from a Saturday morning run (which was fabulous in the 60 degree weather we had last Saturday) about our hopes & expectations for a spouse. (Yes, I'm still holding strong that the one who knows my innermost being & who loves me, still has a plan regarding this area of my life.) I explained that at one point in time I had a whole list of non-negotiables. It used to include things like "wants to run with me" and "likes going to cultural events like plays & symphonies." However, recently the list has been narrowed down to about 3 things:
1. Loves the Lord (with all his heart, soul & mind)
2. Wants to carry out the Great Commission
3. Loves me
That's about it folks. Amazing how that list got chopped down to 3 things as I got older.
My roommate then proceeded to share the 3 things her Mom told her to look for in a spouse:
1. Is he tall?
2. Does he love Jesus?
3. Is he in the Navy, because if he is, you better run away because he'll never be around.
Funny, my Mom never said anything about the Navy, but then again my Dad was gone all the time and he was in the Army.

a few of my favorite things...right now

2011-02-19T21:11:00.000-08:00

Favorite things come and go...this I know. However, a girl's got to have a few faves at different points in her life, right?

1. Neutrogena oil-free eye makeup remover. You can find it anywhere & it works great!

2. CeraVe moisturizing lotion. My winter eczema thanks me every time I use this wonderful lotion. It's definitely helped me rid myself of dry skin during this time of year.

3. Cocoa-Haze. Like nutella but BETTER. Yes, Keri, I know that's hard to believe. But it's true! It's a fair trade item that is deliciously scrumptious and I would eat the whole thing with a spoon if my hips wouldn't end up the size of Montana.

4. Feather pin from Ann Taylor LOFT. This delightful feather & jewel pin makes any cardigan sweater look fun and up-to-date!

5. J.Crew Peacoat. My first peacoat that I got in high school lasted me 10 years. I felt it had done it's duty and that the boxy silhouette was not exactly flattering. So I splurged and bought a new peacoat with amazing seams that make me feel feminine. I'm sure it will last me at least another 10 years.

6. Amazon Kindle. Need I really say more? I've been enjoying a lot of the free or almost free reads (right now I'm reading Anne of the Island) and love that I can throw this into any bag and have several wonderful books at my fingertips!

What are some items that all of you are enjoying right now?

The Glen & A Recipe to Share

2011-02-07T19:52:00.000-08:00

I think this place is really my favorite place in the world. Next to Hawaii, which I think about on a daily basis this time of year. Mostly when I'm walking to & from my car with the bitter wind whipping past me as I huddle into my red puffer coat.

The grounds are so peaceful and inviting. I love hiking and spending time in the glories of God's creation. I think of Habakkuk 2:14 "For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea." Or in this case, as the mountains tower in the sky & all around. I feel that sense of God's presence when I'm in this beautiful, tucked away valley. I went with my roommates for an overnight to celebrate the next stage with one.

I took a dear friend hiking there & on a tour a couple of weeks later. This past weekend, I went to a Chronicles of Narnia themed engagement party there. Just in case anyone was wondering, I was Ramandu's daughter (the star), from Prince Caspian and the Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I walked outside that evening in my long, flowing old high school formal (which I still fit into just fine!!) and stared up at the sky with snow falling all around me. A gentle falling snow that keeps the night sky bright. I wistfully thought how wonderful it would be to live in this place & be able to just sit in awe of God's might all day long.

Now for the promised recipe: Hippy Oatmeal! I was searching for something to do with Steel Cut Oats because we have quite a bit that were left by our former roommate. We're also trying to be exceedingly economical because we're down a roommate & have to cover rent just the two of us. This is what I discovered: steel cut oats can be put together & cooked in the crock pot overnight! Not only is this economical, but exceptionally healthy. Working the long hours that I do plus the frigid cold lead me to wanting a warm breakfast a lot recently, but little time to prepare one. Hippy Oatmeal is the answer! Tonight I'm making some more with a pumpkin twist. Basically you combine steel cut oats, pumpkin seeds (un-roasted of course), flax seed, craisins, raisins, or whatever dried fruit you want, water & a bit of half & half to create this delicious morning concoction. I didn't take any pictures, because you would probably be seriously doubtful of how this could possibly taste good. But, with a bit of brown sugar, agave or whatever you like to put in your oatmeal, it's awesome & sticks with you even on days where the high is -12 (the picture is in the morning in my car & it got colder as the day went on). Enjoy!

thumbs

2011-01-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

Thumbs are a tremendously important appendage, just in case you didn't know. I had the unfortunate experience of nearly slicing mine in half this week. Sunday night I was cutting up a hubbard squash (it's a kind of winter squash with a hard outer rind, similar to a pumpkin). I decided to try pairing off the rind, because that of course is what you should do, right? Wrong. The pairing idea would not have been half so bad if I hadn't chose to try it with a chef knife. My big, 7 inch santoku Wusthof knife that I had sharpened 2 months ago to be specific. Oh yeah, I'd honed it before using it too. As I'm attempting to pair the rind off the first piece of squash, I thought to myself, "This is a really stupid idea. I should get a smaller knife or just cut off the rind like I usually do." No sooner had those thoughts crossed my mind then the knife went at full speed into my left thumb. I stood there for a moment in shock. Then the blood started flowing. I grabbed a paper towel & started putting pressure on the wound. I learned something in my wound care classes in PT school! As I watched the ever-reddening paper towel, I started debating whether or not to drive myself to urgent care. After much deliberation, I waited for Nic to get home from her walk, and continued hacking up hubbard squash with my right hand. This time I cut off the rind instead of pairing it. The blessing of having a hospice care nurse as a roommate means that I have medical advice at my disposal pretty easily. As well as wound care supplies. I couldn't look at the wound (deep cuts on my own hands give me the willies!), so Nic had to take a look. We decided that urgent care would clean it out, put some steri-strips on it & send me home. So we decided to do that on our own since Nic had the supplies in the car. After my thumb stopped bleeding profusely, Nic put some steri-strips across it to keep it closed, & wrapped it with some gauze & coban. My thumb still looks like something out of a cartoon and just about every patient family I've had this week has asked what's happened.

Now for the lesson about how important your thumb is for daily activities. I never realized this until now. Your thumb does something very important - a movement called opposition. This means that you can bring your thumb across & touch all the other fingers on your hand with it. You can't do that with your other fingers, just in case you were wondering. Here are some examples, from experience, that you need this very vital ability to oppose your thumb:
1. Tying shoes.
2. Flossing teeth.
3. Tying drawstrings on scrub pants.
4. Stabilizing your grapefruit in order to eat it.
5. Opening the dishwasher.
6. Holding your kindle to read.
7. Putting in earrings.
8. Holding your fork or knife for cutting.
9. Picking up small children having tantrums on the floor.
10. Washing your hair.
There are a myriad of other activities that require this movement, but these are a few of the more noticeable ones in my daily routine.
Please cherish & take care of your thumb in my honor! Don't spite it by attempting to do silly things with sharp knives. While it's healing, I think I'm going to go find a knife handling class....

what I learned from disney cartoons

2010-11-28T15:13:00.000-08:00

Eva and I headed to the movies today to see "Tangled," the latest Disney animated film. I've been wondering for years when they'd do the whole Rapunzel story. I mean as a kid I started ticking off all the fairy tales that I knew & there were only a few left that Disney hadn't covered. Well folks, here it is, the bottom of the barrel. According to my cousin, who is a research analyst for Starz, Disney did research with 5-6 year old girls recently & compared it to research on 8-9 year old girls from the 80's. Apparently 25 years ago, when little girls were asked what they wanted to be the words "princess" & "pretty" were the 2 that came up the most. The recent study shows that 5-6 year old girls want to be "hot" & "cool." I find that absolutely atrocious, and a wake up call for parents. So apparently "Tangled" will be the last of the fairy tales, since there isn't a demand for them by 5-6 year old girls anymore.
Now on to the much more interesting things I've learned from Disney movies. This is a collaborative effort with Eva. We discussed it coming out of the theater in my "cynical about romance" state that happens after movies.
10. If you are the size of a toothpick, true love is bound to find you.
9. If you have a dream, it will come true & in the process you will meet the love of your life.
8. If you fling your hair about, especially if it is blond, it will automatically attract prince charming.
7. If you go around wielding a frying pan & use it to knock out the next man, he will surely end up being the love of your life.
6. If your eyes are half the size of your face, you will get a man.
5. If you have a trusty animal sidekick, such as a hummingbird, chameleon or mouse, you will not only have a protector, but a sure sign that true love will soon follow.
4. If you have an amazing voice & sing in the forest, small creatures will flock to you & so will men.
3. If you have been lost or hidden from your parents, you will undoubtedly find true love riding up to you on a horse. He will restore you to your parents & marry you.
2. If you are the heiress to a kingdom, you will find the love of your life.
1. If you can pull off pastels, you can totally get prince charming (or pc for short).
Number 1 explains a lot in my life. Bummer that my color scheme is winter!

recently

2010-11-06T16:23:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of the goings on lately.
First up is a picture of me with my cousin's girlfriend, Gus. We were at my other cousin's wedding, which was lovely. The picture was snapped in the 5 minutes when it wasn't raining.

I made cake pops for a co-workers baby shower. I intended to do some additional fun things to them to add a special touch. Alas, time escaped me & I was unable to do anything beyond the pops themselves.

Next, my roommate got a new car! I know some people who will appreciate pictures, so here they are. Not sure if a name has been decided. I suggested Paco.

Here's one of the pictures that my roommate took when I was trying to find something for a Christmas card.

We've been enjoying spectacular weather here - high of 80 degrees today. I'm soaking up every last ounce of it! I've been running a lot lately, but yesterday took the cake. I had been cooking all afternoon in preparation for a friend's birthday. I was chopping, mincing & igniting brandy over chicken for a good long time without a single kitchen catastrophe! However, within 100 feet of starting running, I tripped & skinned my left ankle, knee & hand. It didn't keep me from running or enjoying my friend's birthday dinner with chocolate martinis to follow!

ponderings

2010-10-23T21:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had those moments where you wonder "How did my life get here?" Like walking through Target to buy yet another friend another baby shower gift. Or wanting to go to a movie with someone and no one is available because they're all married. Or having friends celebrate 5 year anniversaries and I've never even had a date. Or sitting in church by myself thinking that everyone around me is married or like 90 years old. Those moments when you feel like you're the only person in the world with your problem. Yeah, I know that I'm not alone. I've got 2 roommates who feel the same way. But they're both not here today.

I especially feel that way when I go to public places on a weekend. I'm intensely aware of families. I think part of it is coming from a very broken home. Another part is feeling so much now of how I want a family. I work in the midst of them all day every day. Some incredible and amazing. Others make me want to quit my job.

It's days like today where my budget gets nearly shot because I'm tired & feel alone & just want to spend money. Like buying an Amazon Kindle. Surely a Kindle will cure my loneliness and make me happy, right? NOT. Or maybe continuing to wallow in self pity will?

In all of this, I struggle to believe that God is not holding out. That He's truly good. Questions like, "If God were good, why am I not married by now, or even seriously dating?" run through my mind. I've realized in the past few months of working on all my issues that God was rescuing me (and likely whoever I may marry) from a big huge mess. I've been tackling a lot of things in my life with God leading me through prayer, lots of tears and hard work. But it's hard to go through all of that feeling so alone. So here I am. Feeling a little exposed, but honest.

pink earmuffs

2010-09-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

It's been a little bit since I last posted. Nothing much has changed & I am continuing to work on the whole delighting thing. I've come to realize that I am not defined by my job, my relationship status, looks or anything else that the world places so much value on.
However, I felt really strange this morning. Like I needed to cry or something. I went to church and came home. I started watching an HBO documentary on "Last Letters," which I knew would likely cause me to cry. The documentary was of families that lost loved ones in Iraq and had them reading the last letters they received. The whole thing built up emotions for me and the last one was a woman from Colorado who was pregnant when she found out her husband died. She also continued to receive letters for quite some time after he passed. I'm pretty sure she was on Oprah or something. All that emotion in me led me to go sit outside & journal for a bit. I started thinking about my Dad & my own family's commitment to this country.
My Dad made huge sacrifices for my family. He wanted my Mom, brother & me to have a better life than he had in rural Missouri. He wanted to give us better opportunities than he had. I vividly remember when he went to Kuwait when I was in second grade. I desperately wanted pink earmuffs for Christmas. I knew that Daddy would somehow find them for me. As a family, we had an early celebration with Daddy of Christmas before he deployed. I got pink earmuffs! I was so thrilled! But Daddy still had to leave. I remember the yellow ribbon tied around the lamp post in the front yard. A reminder to everyone of the sacrifice our family was making. I remember my Mom recording on a tape cassette my brother & me opening presents Christmas morning so that she could mail it to Daddy & he could be a part of that too. I remember her making what seemed like vats of caramel corn & chex mix to send over in care packages.
While I was journaling about all these memories, tears were streaming down my face. I'm still not entirely sure why this needed to come back, but it did. And I will continue to process this for some time, I'm sure.

stuck

2010-09-19T20:22:00.000-07:00

Thanks to one of the Air Force Academy cadets, this song has been stuck in my head all weekend. Click here to watch the video & hear the song. Apparently it's loosely based on the poem by Tennyson called "The Lady of Shallott," which I read quickly yesterday, but would like to read with more attention to detail.

Speaking of funny stories involving Air Force cadets, here's a snippet of a conversation with a co-worker.

Steph (my co-worker): "I think it would be so easy to meet a guy here. I mean, you walk into Wal-mart & there's Air Force Academy cadets everywhere!"

Me: "Steph, I'm like 8 years older than a lot of them at this point!"

Steph: "I guess that's true...."

I'm gearing up for a move (again)! I brought over a bunch of stuff to my new place already. Maybe I'll actually live there for more than a year!

delighting

2010-09-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

I have been on a journey (still am), if you haven't noticed. Part of my path has been to come to a crossroad recently. I have been really challenged with what & where God wants me. I have so many dreams & desires. God has asked me if I'm ready to give those to Him. To lay them down, trusting Him for something completely different. I thought long & hard about this proposition. Weighing it all, but knowing that ultimately, how can I refuse my Lord? How could I truly say to God "my way is better?" He has asked me to delight in Him. To stay where I am for the rest of my life (physically) or move all over creation, if He so desires. To be single or with a family. But first & foremost to delight in doing what He asks.
This may sound like a very bizarre concept to some of you. I know, because at first it sounded insane to me. God reminded me of a passage from C.S. Lewis' Perelandra, which is part of the Space Trilogy, recounting the adventures of Dr. Ransom. This quote in particular is what hit me: "This man has said that the law against living on the Fixed Island is different from the other Laws, because it is not the same for all worlds and because we cannot see the goodness in it. And so far he says well. But then he says that it is thus different in order that you may disobey it. But there might be another reason. . . I think He made one law of that kind in order that there might be obedience. In all these other matters what you call obeying Him is but doing what seems good in your own eyes also. Is love content with that? You do them, indeed, because they are His will, but not only because they are His will. Where can you taste the joy of obeying unless He bids you do something for which His bidding is the only reason? When we spoke last you said that if you told the beasts to walk on their heads they would delight to do so. So I know that you understand well what I am saying." I know it may be a bit difficult to follow out of context (please read the books! They are great!). But the general idea is delighting in obedience even when I don't "get it." Even when what I'm being asked to obey seems completely in the opposite direction of where I'm headed.
Part of this journey has also been in trust. Moving trust in God from a circumstance based trust to a trust that supersedes my surroundings. If my trust is based on God doing or not doing something, then if what I fear to happen occurs, my "trust" is shattered. This revelation has been part of the process of working through fears & insecurities, which has been greatly due to reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore.
Can I face my fears head on & still trust God? Can I delight regardless of the direction my life takes & the ways I'm asked to obey? Only God knows that I will fall short constantly, but I am asking for the grace for today & to cover my worries based on tomorrow.

passage

2010-08-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

"And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:18-19 (the Message)

I saw this verse in church this morning during worship. The "extravagant dimensions" sounds so grand & exciting! So does experiencing Christ in the ways described by the second half of this passage. Just a random thought for a busy Sunday.

wedding

2010-08-21T11:42:00.000-07:00

This week was spent preparing for another friend's wedding! My friend, Angela, got hitched yesterday evening. What an exciting and beautiful event! This wedding was particularly fun because I knew the bride & groom and most of their friends. The wedding took place at a beautiful chapel about 20 minutes away into the mountains. Angela was so excited, it was contagious! She practically skipped down the aisle and jumped up and down after the vows.
The reception was at a lovely little reception hall in town and had fabulous food, conversation and dancing. Probably the highlight of the entire evening was the couple's first dance. It started off as a sweet dance to Frank Sinatra and turned into a mash-up of 4-5 songs including some country, hip hop, etc and was entirely choreographed! It was amazing!
Here is something that I've discovered I don't like about weddings at this age: sitting by myself while people are slow dancing. Boo! I really wanted to be out there dancing. At several weddings my friend, Marie, and I have "slow danced" together and just simply been silly during slow songs on the dance floor. No Marie to remedy this problem yesterday.
Through this week, the enemy has tried very hard to steal my joy for my friend and tried to point out God's "shortcomings" in this area of my life. God has been faithful and as I've called on Him to battle against this in my heart, He has given me abundant joy for my friend & peace about where I am now. I continue to hope that eventually marriage will be a part of my future. But, for now, God has called me to something different. I'm learning to be content with this and soak up all that He's teaching me now.

the mountain

2010-08-08T19:04:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a while since I've written anything. Shocker, I know. Sometimes life happens & it means that things like blogging go by the wayside. What will I ever do if I have a family? You can probably just quit checking my blog because then I'll become totally oblivious to my lack of updating. Ha!
I've had the privilege to go out of town a couple of times this summer. One trip back to KC, one to Gunnison & recently to Big Star Lake, Michigan. You are probably thinking "Why on earth would you ever go to Michigan for vacation?" I asked that myself on numerous occasions before going. One of my dear friends here actually invited me earlier this year to come with her. It ended up being gorgeous & so relaxing. I loved how soft the sand was, the green trees & landscape, and (ahem) some humidity. My skin thanked Michigan for breathing some new life into it. I also went tubing for the first time and rode a seadoo, which was a blast! I like swimming, but we never were "lake people" growing up because my Dad was deathly afraid of water. I also kind of have a thing with water that I can't see the bottom of (like scary gross lakes). But this lake was beautiful & the cottage we stayed in was situated on a part of the lake where you could walk out into it a ways on the sand. The conclusion: Michigan was actually a great place to take a vacation!
Enough about the lake, now for the mountains! My big accomplishment this summer was hiking Mt. Elbert yesterday. It's the 2nd highest mountain in the contiguous US and the highest in Colorado. I know that sounds super thrilling, right? Here's the best part: we made it to the top! Let me explain. I've tried to climb this mountain a handful of times. Once, my friend's boyfriend (now husband) and I tried to climb it when we worked at camp. We got to the trailhead the night before & he proceeded to have a coughing attack. I wasn't going to drag him up a mountain lest Marie should kill me, so I suggested we return to camp. A couple years later I had high hopes of going again, only to realize that May is a bit on the early side for 14ers. Last year I had hopes of doing it too, only to have it not work out. So this was a BIG accomplishment!
We decided to leave Friday night & camp at the trail head to get an early start on Saturday (like 4 am early). We ended up leaving around 9pm to drive to the trailhead. Oh, and on the road leading to the trailhead, we took the wrong turn at first which brought us to a dead end. As we drove back to the road, my friend, Nic, told us she thought she saw a sign on the ground. So I stop the car for her to get out & investigate. It was this creepy sign that said "This Way" with an arrow all written in what looked like crayon on a paper plate. The Air Force Academy cadet (Molly) with us said, "This is kind of creepy, like chain saw massacre." Nic dropped the sign & promptly hopped into the car & I locked the doors & drove like crazy back to the paved road.
Needless to say, there were real signs to the trailhead when we got onto the right road. We slept for 3 1/2 hours & got up at 4 to begin the trek. It was pretty uneventful, which was fabulous. Great weather all the way to the top & back. We had awesome views of Mt. Massive, Columbia, Harvard, Oxford, Belford, Maroon Bells, Snowmass & so many more. Below are some pictures to commemorate the event!

Little clearing before tree line.

Trail leading back into the trees from the clearing.

Me on the trail!

We made it to the top!

Nic & me with our 14er count - I've done 5 & she's done 6!

The way cool sign in the registry box for the elevation that's on the back of a corona box. Classy.

Note to self: take off sunglasses at the top of next mountain for pictures!

I managed to get us to K's in BV for ice cream afterward & then back home. I came home, showered, unpacked what I had to & went to bed at 7:30pm & slept for 12 hours. Nothing gives you a better nights sleep than hiking a 14er!

latest cooking ventures

2010-06-06T16:47:00.000-07:00

Since I haven't posted any of my cooking ventures for a while, I thought it was about time! So here goes.
First, I made Dark Chocolate Souffle a long, long time ago when my friend, Grace, finished taking her GRE. I was poking around on the ever insightful & awesome "Cooking for Engineers" website and found the recipe. It was absolutely, positively the most divine, decadent and delicious dessert. EVER. Especially if you love chocolate, which we both do. I bet if you live at sea level, your souffle will be 2 or 3 times as puffy as mine, too!

Next, I attempted to make wedding cake balls for Eva's bridal shower. I finally figured out how to get them to look really good at the very end, of course. I think they're still cute, even if they're not as adorable as Bakerella's.

Strawberry Baked Oatmeal was next up, which I got off someone's blog last year and is a favorite. I added a hint of cardamom, because I think it tastes delicious in almost anything baked, too.

For couch night, I made Julia Child's Boeuf Bourginon. It truly is the most flavorful beef stew ever. Something about red wine, spices, sauteed mushrooms, braised pearl onions and a cheery yellow Dutch oven just do it for me!

I also ended up with a ton of strawberries for some reason and decided Strawberry Bread sounded wonderful. The recipe came from one of my favorite cookbook discoveries, "Simply in Season," which gives wonderful recipes for every season of the year using what produce will be most readily available & fresh at that time. The companion cookbook is "More with Less" which I discovered while living in East Africa. Another great, economical cookbook. Put them both on your Christmas list (or Kwanzaa or Hanukkah if that's your thang)!

We had cake day at work a couple of weeks ago, where we eat cake for lunch (or pudding, cupcakes, cookies, or anything that is "not good for you"). I found Dulce de Leche in a can at Walmart & was in love. So I decided to make something for cake day with it. Voila! Dulce de Leche cupcakes! They are absolutely delicious & soft. Unfortunately, I ran out of brown sugar while I was making the cupcakes, so I couldn't make the praline buttercream frosting, but did a vanilla buttercream glaze instead. Still amazing.

Last, but by no means least, were rhubarb muffins. Another delightful recipe from "Simply in Season" (you must get this cookbook!!). They were just the perfect mix of tart & sweet with great, wholesome ingredients.

Now that your mouth is watering, go make something. Remember: "Kissing don't last, cooking do!"

memorial

2010-05-30T09:56:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I guess it comes with uncertainty and also a strong pull to be in close relationship with Christ. I want to be exactly where He wants me and that starts with where my relationship is with Him. I have a tendency to keep myself busy and not stop to really focus on what's important. I've purposely cleared much of my schedule this weekend to spend time with the Lord.
I do want to share some fun stuff that I found. I don't generally read Relevant magazine, but my friend, Nic, shared this article with me (click here and go to page 45) about "Stuff Christians Like" and number 3 is "The Gift of Singleness." I love the satire, probably because I've had many well-intentioned people tell me many of the things in the article. I also found the website for the basis of this article. The piece that relates to the gift of singleness is "#550 Surviving Church as a Single." I find it extremely funny, especially with the scorecard. I think my scorecard total tally is about 27.
All that said, I feel like I'm in a much better place than I have been previously. I've really come to the realization that I don't know what I want overall - in life, in a job, in a relationship, etc. God has really challenged me to lay this down at His feet and trust that wanting Him and His will is going to be far better than anything that I could dream or plan.
This weekend is Memorial Day, and I want to take some time to think about those who have served and those who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect our freedoms as well. I think of my great-uncle, Bill, who passed away on the USS Arizona at Pearl Harbor, I think of another great-uncle who spent time in a POW camp in the Pacific during WWII. I think of my Dad and the sacrifices we made as a family. I think of all those who are serving today who are so important to me. I don't usually like Thomas Jefferson's writings and typically prefer Washington, Adams or Lincoln, but this quote is pretty powerful: "Occasionally the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of Patriots and Tyrants." Also, one by John F. Kennedy, "The cost of freedom is always high, but Americans have always paid it." May we never forget that freedom is not free.

coram deo

2010-05-16T14:39:00.000-07:00

Today has been a bit of a struggle. One of those days where I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment (which means it was probably not the greatest idea to get my haircut today. Oh well.). Nothing particular set me off - no triggers that I can recall . We finally had a day that acted like spring and was warm, which was amazing considering I was still wearing my down jacket earlier in the week. I went to a different church this morning because a friend was being confirmed & commissioned. Prior to leaving I was on facebook & noticed that her status read "coram deo." I thought this was interesting and didn't really know what the English translation of this Latin phrase was, so I did what any normal human being does. I googled it! This exposition from R.C. Sproul came up (click here to read the entire essay). Coram deo literally means "to live in the presence of God." I like what R.C. Sproul says in the essay:
"To live coram Deo is to live one's entire life in the presence of God, under the authority of God, to the glory of God."
What would it look like for me to live coram deo? I've been wrestling with this concept for quite some time as I delve into heart issues, grief, hope deferred, and simply what it looks like to be Christ to those that surround me in the day to day. How do I love people well and invest in them? How do I do Life at work? With my family? Friends?
I feel very unsatisfied and unsettled right now. I'm not sure why and have tried to process this feeling. Part of this sense is that life is not quite what I expected now that I've started working. Part of it is that I need to re-evaluate my goals & expectations. Part of it is living in a broken world. As C.S. Lewis writes: "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." I was not created for this broken body & fallen world. Yet this is all part of sanctification & the plan that God has for my life. I want to live coram deo in this world and around those I interact with day by day.

back

2010-05-09T18:30:00.000-07:00

I fell off the face of the planet for a couple of weeks because of a hectic schedule. Now I'm back! I have so much to share, too.
First, I finally got my car about a month ago. Here's a picture of my new little ride.

My friend, Nicole, got in the car & promptly told me it was a "mom" car. Thanks, Nic. Oh well, if that's in the future, maybe then I'll already be prepared.
Next, I went to Cincinnati last weekend with my dear friend, Grace. Her family was incredibly welcoming & kind during my stay. I would like to take an annual retreat to their home just to relax! Grace & I ran the Flying Pig 1/2 Marathon a week ago in the midst of thunderstorms & rain through the entire race. We finished though!

We celebrated by going to tea at an amazing little place in Cincinnati, going to dinner at a Japanese steakhouse & then going to see the movie "How to Train Your Dragon." If you have children, this movie is great (& even if you don't have kids it's great!)! I had to say goodbye to Grace this week as she is moving on to grad school back east. I feel a definite sense of loss in saying goodbye to her.
I also went to a dear friend's baby shower today. One of the few people in town that has known me since college. She & her husband are moving in less than a month, which is also saddening, even though I know the Lord will use them in mighty ways where they move next. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of Rach's shower, sorry KC friends.
Well, that's just a short update on life right now. Hopefully I'll get back into the blogging mindset again soon!

flashmob

2010-04-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

I have discovered the wonderful art of flashmob! If you are unfamiliar with flashmob dancing, here's a couple of links to get you going. The first is a performance at a train station in Antwerp. Click here to view this video. I love the little kids & just how diverse the dancers are in this video! Next is a clip from Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, which is my new TV show obsession. I feel such a connection to the change Jamie is trying to create because I was an undergraduate research assistant for professors doing work on childhood obesity. It's staggering the impact that obesity is having on health all over the country. Here's the link to Jamie's flashmob food dance (click here). Finally, here's the link for a flashmob dance at a wedding. I am totally going to incorporate something like this at my wedding someday, so beware! I think it's such a unique and fun idea. Click here to see the wedding flashmob dance! Enjoy!

accident

2010-03-19T20:31:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to stay positive & upbeat right now. Just a statement before I get into the details of the last week. Tough things come in threes, or so I've noticed. I got into a car accident last Friday morning. I was following my roommate to the Honda dealer so she could get her oil changed while we were at work that morning. The sun was brilliant & the glare was blinding as I was driving east. As I came to the crest of a hill, the glare of the sun was right in my eye & all of a sudden the car in front of me was stopped. I slammed on my brakes, but still rear-ended the car in front of me. That's all I really remember or know of what happened. Five cars were involved in the accident total, but it really hasn't been determined who was responsible for what. The police officer said (& I think put in his report) that the car in front of the one that I hit had hit the car in front of him first & then the car in front of me hit their brakes to avoid it & I hit him. No one was hurt & no airbags deployed in any vehicle. I was able to drive away afterward. After filing the insurance claim, I took my car to a recommended collision shop for a damage estimate, which at the time was at least $3,000. The guy who did the estimate said he did not think I should be driving the car because it was structurally not safe & leaking something, which he hoped was the air condenser. Fortunately I have good car insurance (hooray for USAA) and I'm driving a rental car currently. However, I finally called the collision place today to see what was going on with my vehicle. The guy I talked to on the phone told me my car was "unrepairable" and he had sent the estimate & information to my insurance company in the past couple of days. I immediately called my insurance adjuster, who left the office early on Friday afternoon, so I had to leave a message. So, I'm pretty sure my car is totaled & I am now looking for another car. I've got a lead on a car that I like already, but I'm waiting for the seller to call me back so I can find out more information. I'd really like an all-wheel drive or 4 wheel drive car, since I live in the land of constant snowfall. We'll see how God will provide & show Himself faithful through all this!

absolutes

2010-02-26T17:59:00.000-08:00

In this post-modern world that we live in, I've realized that I'm an oddity because I believe in absolutes. This realization struck me almost two years ago when I was talking to two different Christian friends about whether they believed in absolute truth. One told me that he believed in love, which I found to be a strange answer. He related everything back to feelings & love, which I found especially odd seeing as this was a guy. The second friend and I dialogued about this all the way up the Incline in which he made quite the case for not believing in absolute truth. What I really think is that so many people & outlets in this world tell us that truth is determined by each person. This past Sunday, our pastor preached on John 14:5-11. John 14:6 is the focus of this passage: "Jesus answered, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me." This is a bold declaration that is exclusive & difficult. As C.S. Lewis writes in Mere Christianity, " I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: “I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept His claim to be God.” That is the one thing we must not say. A man who said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to."
This passage was especially powerful to me when I first read Mere Christianity in college. I choose to fall at His feet and call Him Savior & Lord. The declaration in John 14:6 is very difficult in the light of pluralism and relativism that run rampant in our world. Because I am a Christian, I will strive to love others as Christ loves me. That means that I will tolerate their worldview, but it is not valid based on the absolute truth stated in John 14:6. This is considered especially awful to those that subscribe to relativism and believe that everyone is allowed to determine their own truth. I especially loved a quote that the pastor gave from Flannery O'Connor: "The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." This world, and especially my own generation, seems to think that truth is a fluid concept that changes based on circumstances or sincerity. I believe that there are absolutes in this world, beginning with John 14:6 - Jesus is the only way.

valentine's awkwardness

2010-02-15T20:33:00.000-08:00

Most of you know that Valentine's Day is not exactly a favorite for me. This year it was spent waiting for my family to come into town from Minnesota & Iowa since my Dad's funeral was the following day. We actually had a great time at dinner with the family and decided not to live on the edge and drive to Kansas City. There was already a 40 car pile up on I-70 where we would have merged onto the highway to get to Kansas City, and we decided not to make it 41. So we enjoyed the good old LV standby - Applebee's.
However, the great story is from today at the reception following my Dad's funeral. A dear couple who have known me since I was 6 years old were talking with me and asked a couple of questions about my life in Colorado Springs. Keep these things in mind: they are both from the Carolinas, so everything had a great accent; the husband graduated from the Citadel; the wife was an Army brat & they met while he was in training at Ft. Benning. The husband asked if I had a roommate and then asked if I had a "special gentleman" in Colorado Springs. I laughed at this question, not because it was particularly funny, but that's my nervous response to this inquiry. He then said that if he knew any nice first lieutenants or young captains he would send them my direction. He then said that he & his wife had given up on matchmaking years ago, but it was a nice thought. I told him that I've inadvertently had that happen over the last several years and it didn't seem to work out too well anyway. Oh the wonderful awkward situations I'm put in around this time of year. I just have to laugh & smile because what other response should there be to such awkwardness?

dad

2010-02-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

Dad passed away this morning at 0445. I was up with him until about 4 and his breathing started becoming more difficult. I got my stepmom up and we looked at when he had medications and decided it was ok to give him a little more of the pain and sleep medicine. After that I went up to bed & told my stepmom to come and get me if anything happened. Shortly after I drifted off, she came up and woke us all up telling us it was time. I felt the pulse fade and disappear after a last gasp or two for breath. He passed on with his family around him & very peacefully. While we are all grieving the loss, we also know that it was best and this way he didn't have to suffer very much. He led a full life and his work took him to all corners of the globe. He will be dearly missed. The following are pictures that I have with my Dad from my junior year of college (a very long time ago). This is how I want to remember him.

processing

2010-02-04T19:21:00.001-08:00

I am processing and grieving a lot. My Dad is dying and his condition is going downhill quickly. I am flying back home tomorrow to be with him and the rest of the family during this time. I am at a loss for words.

fulfillment

2010-01-23T19:01:00.000-08:00

The messages at my church have been so timely in the past few weeks. I feel like each message has been directed specifically to me in the place I am right now. God knows exactly what I need!
This past Sunday's sermon focused on John 13:1-17 where Jesus is washing the disciples feet. The pastor gave context for the message along with 4 very insightful traits of being a servant. The traits that he focused on were humility, boldness, obedience and joy. I was especially struck by a comment about where I'm searching for fulfillment. Am I looking for fulfillment in people that only God can provide? I started doing some self-reflection and have come to the conclusion that even if I don't realize it, I place some hefty expectations on my relationships with others. I think in some respects this is a self-defense mechanism. I've also noticed that I tend to do this subconsciously without even realizing that I've placed such expectations on people. I look to be completed by relationships when the reality is that only Christ can provide what I'm searching for in other people. Now the question is how do I live life in light of this realization? How do I live moment by moment in the presence of the Lord? How do I adjust my expectations or really let Christ lead those expectations? How do I head off the subconscious expectation of being fulfilled & completed by others? These are just some of the things I've been pondering and bringing to the Lord in prayer as I ask to be in His presence each day.

recently

2010-01-10T19:40:00.000-08:00

My blogging has been put on hold recently for many reasons to include work, sickness, family issues & just plain old not enough time. Here's some things I've baked or cooked recently though.
Before Christmas I made Kringle! I learned how last year with my wonderful Kansas City family and decided to make it tradition. We had a Kringle for breakfast on Christmas morning and I've got one in my freezer to pull out on the 4th of July! I also gave a few away as Christmas presents.

The yummy cardamom & currant filling being encased in the butter pastry.

After the process of rolling & filling. Perfect for freezing!

The Finished Product on Christmas morning!

I made Christmas cake balls and Christmassy Chocolate Bark for my cocktail party. Here's a picture of both of them! Some of the cake balls were decorated with sprinkles which I inherited from Keri (thanks!) and others with gold cake decorating gel in the shape of snowflakes. The Christmassy Chocolate Bark was very tasty and had the zest of one whole clementine, which added a great flavor!

Beautiful Christmas cake balls for the party!

The Chocolate Bark

Last week, I made Mango Sticky Rice that my roommate had been talking about how much she loved forever. I thought it sounded like something I could make easily & the recipe called for pretty basic ingredients. I highly recommend the recipe, although I would pare it down to 2 servings with the calculator on allrecipes and it still serves at least 4 people. Sorry there's not a picture for this one, but trust me, it's delectable!

Today, I made this Oatmeal Pecan Pie from Cooking Light, which looks yummy & I will try tomorrow when I have lunch company.

I also made this Bloomin' Herb Bread for tomorrow. In the morning I'll be making Eggplant Parmesan to serve for lunch with the other dishes and a salad that Nic is bringing.

I'll take a picture later in the week of the potstickers that I made on New Year's Day with Patty. They were delicious! The great thing about potstickers is that the recipe makes a ton & they freeze beautifully!

the wrong decade

2009-12-26T16:30:00.000-08:00

Recently I have come to the realization that I was born in the wrong decade. I like afternoon tea, pearls, china & formal events. I own a copy of Emily Post's guide to etiquette and consult it frequently for various social events & other situations that dictate such a reference.
One such example of my love of antiquated social practices was going to afternoon tea at the Brown Palace in Denver with my aunts & cousins the day after Christmas. The 3 sisters and their 3 daughters all went to tea, which was delightful! The Brown Palace is a historic hotel in downtown Denver, and they have a very special afternoon tea during the holidays. We had scones with Devonshire cream, cucumber canapes & other finger sandwiches, and assorted pastries. We picked three teas to drink which included a vanilla rooibos (decaf, because we actually get to have a little addition to our family this coming summer! My cousin is expecting!), jasmine & an Indian chai. All of the tea & accompanying food was excellent & perfect for the day after Christmas. I am so thankful for my family this Christmas season.

The Moms/Sisters

The cousins

An artsy take of the teapots

The incredible chandelier decorated for Christmas and everything!

The sisters/moms and their daughters!

dear santa

2009-12-23T20:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

I know that tomorrow is Christmas Eve, but I was wondering if I could add something to my list. I would especially love a garage or a man for Christmas so that I don't have to scrape all the ice & snow off my car. I know this is a tall request, but seeing as I continue to get snow dumped onto my car on a regular basis, it is a much needed solution. Although, if you would like to bring me nice weather from now until summer so I have to scrape my car less frequently, I would be ok with that too. Or, I would settle for moving to Hawaii. Thank you for listening to these requests and I look forward to seeing what solution you come up with on Christmas morning. Oh, a sparkly diamond with the man (if that's the option you go for) would be great as well. Thank you!

Mele Kalikimaka,
Nat

Isaiah 9:6

2009-12-20T08:20:00.000-08:00

This week has left me reeling & asking lots of questions. I've had a difficult time believing in God's faithfulness & I continue to wonder whether I made the right decision to move here. I've been reminded that so many faithful & dedicated Christians in ages past have still struggled with times of drought & feeling like God is not near. I've been working on memorizing Isaiah 9:6 as it is the verse going out in my Christmas cards. Here's the NASB translation:
"For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us;
And the government will rest on His shoulders,
And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Eternal Father, Prince of Peace."
So many thoughts enter my mind with this passage. Not only did Christ come down, but He was given to us. He came as a humble baby, not as a triumphant king riding out of the clouds with a mind to destroy. Christ was given all authority as head of the government. I thought about this a lot and what it means. I thought about how Christ came & totally changed the law & instead put into place mercy & grace for those who believe. Now for His names: Wonderful Counselor - He listens to me & gives sound & wise advice for He knows all. Mighty God - He is powerful & more than able to rescue me from myself - my sins & selfishness. Eternal Father - He is infinite. He loves & disciplines me as a Father. Prince of Peace - this is my favorite & I'm still not sure I can wrap my head around why it's so powerful to me. I think that I envision a ruler who doesn't impose on His subjects war & destruction & poverty. But instead a ruler who provides steadfastness, peace & a stillness to His kingdom.
I also found some great insights into Isaiah 9 when I looked at Matthew Henry's commentary. Here are just a few: "As He was the Lamb slain, so was He the child born." "He is given, freely given, to be all that to us which our case, in our fallen state, calls for." "Note, Christ's being born and given to us is the great foundation of our hopes and fountain of our joys, in times of greatest grief & fear." Something about the last quote is just so moving for me. I think it's the thought of Christ being my rock, my starting point, my unshakable base & foundation for hope and the well-spring of life-giving joy. I hope that I can continue to meditate on this during the Christmas season.

Handel's Messiah & Truffle Making

2009-12-05T14:47:00.000-08:00

Wow has it been a long time since I updated this blog - almost a month! My life hasn't been too eventful, just full of work. I was so blessed last weekend to be able to go to my Aunt's in Denver for Thanksgiving & spend 4 days up there with family. I love my Denver family so much!
Last night I attended Handel's Messiah as presented by the Air Force Academy Cadet Chorale. For a novice concert, it was surprisingly good! Nic told me about it, and being the chronic "inviter" that I am, I invited two other people to come with us. Needless to say, one of the people I invited called and asked me what Handel's Messiah is...the poor man needs some culture! We drove up to USAFA only to be nearly blown away by the most frigid wind I have experienced in over 4 years (the last time I was there in the winter time). Seriously gusts strong enough to pick you up off your feet. At the end of the concert, we hung around as long as possible inside the chapel to avoid going back into the cold. I think I might move to Hawaii as the thoughts of the Aloha State were what got me back to my car. Warm beaches!
Next weekend I am hosting a holiday event, and this week will be full of preparations. I started the process today by making truffles. Coffee liquor & Bailey's truffles to be specific. Truffles are surprisingly easy to make. Here are some pictures of the process. Excuse my extremely white hands.

Here is what the saucepan looks like after you've simmered the cream, added the butter & the chocolate. I also added Bailey's Irish Cream to this batch.

After you take the saucepan off the stove, you transfer everything to a bowl & refrigerate the chocolate mixture for at least 2 hours. Then you scoop it kind of like cookie dough and form it into balls.

Here is what one of the truffles looks like. Now I like to add a little extra to the truffle.

So I rolled the Coffee Liquor truffles in a little bit of green sugar & the Bailey's ones in cocoa powder.

Here are some of the finished Coffee Liquor truffles.

And here are the Bailey's truffles.

I can't wait to try them both next weekend! If you'd like to try your hand at truffles, I recommend this recipe from Tasty Kitchen for Simply Rustic Chocolate Truffles. Enjoy!

busy weekend

2009-11-10T05:42:00.000-08:00

The past week of my life has been crazy. I am still trying to catch up on sleep from it all! In the course of this past week, I've made dessert 3 times and then proceeded to inform people that I will not be making dessert again for at least a month. First was coffee cake, literally (thank you PW), then was Julia Child's Chocolate spongecake with chocolate icing, and finally I made "Go Army, Beat Air Force" cake balls courtesy of Em & Bakerella. All were tasty, but very time consuming. Here's a picture of the Julia Child's cake. I forgot to take pictures of the others.

Another part of the weekend was a dinner party to celebrate Eva & Laurel's birthdays. Here's a picture of the lovely birthday girls with their cake! We had such a good time with our small dinner party!

The next morning was tailgating for the Army v. Air Force football game. I might also add that they started doing flyovers at about 7:45AM while I was out running. The tailgate was fun & the half of the game that I stayed for was great! Too bad that Army apparently didn't show up for the last half of the game & lost 35-7. Here are some pictures from the game!

Nicole & me right before the game started. We may have actually missed the kick-off by taking this picture.

Amanda, Nicole & me during one of the many media timeouts we had in the first quarter. We look like we're having so much fun - mostly because Army was actually playing ok at that point!

Tom is doing the double V's with Nicole & me. Guess it worked in Air Force's favor!

Now last, but not least was the military ball that Grace & I went to on Saturday night. This event was probably the most entertaining & interesting of the weekend. Grace & I got ready at her place & the guys came to pick us up there. To avoid this totally feeling like prom, we only took pictures of us beforehand. The evening exposed Grace & I to many of the "traditions" of the Army, to include Artillery punch, toasts, long speeches in circles, awkward people & some inebriated people who were very entertaining and at times antagonistic. We had a great time and now I am completely exhausted. I'm pretty sure that all I want to do next weekend is sleep in!

Grace & me before the guys came to pick us up. We had a hunch that one might be early, so we booked it to be ready a little early.

We look pretty awesome, if I do say so myself! We were ready for whatever was thrown at us!

Grace & Schnells after Grace almost became part of a bar fight due to two guys deciding to argue back & forth standing at our table.

Taylor & me - after all of the events of the evening - hanging out at Jack Quinn's. What an entertaining night!

kansas city weekend & dress vote

2009-11-01T18:32:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a while since my last update, and much has happened since that post. I did manage to come up with 2 different Halloween costumes for work & a costume party. For work I was forgetful - I taped sticky notes all over me with reminders, put my sunglasses on top of my head & tied yarn around my fingers. Unfortunately I don't have a picture to post. For the costume party I was Audrey Hepburn from Breakfast at Tiffany's - I wore a black shift dress, a tiara, sparkly earrings & necklace, big black sunglasses & long black gloves! Once again, I forgot to take pictures.
However, here's a few pictures from the pumpkin carving party last weekend in Kansas City! I had such a good time at my friend's wedding in Leavenworth and spending some quality time with my dear friends in Olathe. I also had some quality time with my Mom & brother. I miss them so much!

James - my adorable "nephew" in a panda costume!

My pumpkin - Charlie Brown! Thanks for the idea, Mom!

My brother, Kyle, & me with our pumpkins! He always has really goofy faces for pictures.

Amanda & me - it's tradition to take a picture of the 2 of us!

On a different note, I need opinions & suggestions. I am attending a formal ball on Saturday because friends here know someone who needs a date & I'm it. I raided Eva's closet & came up with 2 options. Keep in mind when looking at these pictures that I'll be wearing makeup & my hair will be done & not thrown back & I'll be wearing pantyhose, which will help everything look smoother. In other words, I personally don't look awesome in these pictures, but focus on the dresses. Several people have suggested that I find out what uniform is being worn & base my dress choice on that. Either dress is great, but I'm looking for your thoughts!
Option #1:

Option #2:

Now vote & leave me your recommendations in the comments!

Halloween costume help!

2009-10-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

All right friends, it's time to pull out the big ideas. I'm looking for some suggestions for a halloween costume. Preferably something that I could do with items I'm likely to have on hand or be able to find at other peoples houses. I've thought along the lines of children's story book characters...mostly Dr. Seuss, like 1 fish 2 fish, the cat in the hat or little cindy loo whoo. I've also thought about things I could do with boxes, since I'll have a few of them from moving recently. But I'm really open to anything. As I'm still trying to find a niche here, it would be great to not be the nerd who couldn't figure out anything to wear and thus went as myself. Please suggest away in the comments!

Fall Baking

2009-10-10T17:35:00.000-07:00

I did some fall baking last weekend and wanted to share some recipes and pictures with you all!
First came whole wheat apple bread - yum! It's a recipe that came in one of the Penzey's Spices catalogs. If you don't use Penzey's spices or get the catalog, you should! Their spices are amazing and the catalogs always have great recipes, which you can also get online at their website. Click here for the whole wheat apple bread recipe and to go to Penzey's! Some of my favorite spice blends from Penzey's include sandwich sprinkle (amazing on fish and other meats, not just sandwiches!), chip & dip spice, pasta sprinkle, rogan josh (for yummy curries), taco seasoning and greek seasoning. Check out a Penzey's near you, or order some delicious seasonings online (next on my list to get is Northwoods seasoning!)!

Now that I've shamelessly plugged Penzey's, on to the next recipe. I also made these absolutely amazing and easy pumpkin chocolate chip muffins last weekend. I actually got up early and made them before a group of us went hiking and brought them in the car to eat on the way to the trailhead. Everyone loved them! The family I live with also loved them, and Mindy made mini muffins of the same recipe later in the week. Click here for the pumpkin chocolate chip muffin recipe. Of note, I love pumpkin pie seasoning, so I threw in an extra teaspoon. I'm a rebel, what can I say.

The last bit of baking last weekend was a delectable cheese bread recipe from Keri. I love working with yeast breads, and this was no exception! I apologize for not having a picture, but you have to believe me when I say that it is one of the most delicious and easy breads I have ever made! Click here to go to Keri's recipe for delectable cheese bread!

Last weekend I also made butternut squash & apple soup, which was a hearty and flavorful soup. I made it in my new dutch oven (hooray!), and used a hand blender to smooth it all out after it had been simmering for a while. I love squash, and butternut became a favorite after Eva's parents gave us a whole box of it to eat one winter. We discovered all kinds of uses for butternut squash, but I think that soup is definitely my favorite. Click here for the butternut squash & apple soup recipe!

One last recipe to share, which Eva will be thankful for, is Minestrone soup! I have this recipe thanks to dear, dear friends in Kansas City that I lived with for about a year. I will never ever part with this recipe and plan to make it frequently! Here's the link to the recipe which I have shared online on Tasty Kitchen (if you don't use Tasty Kitchen for recipes, you must! Absolutely amazing recipes are at your fingertips awaiting a try!) - Minestrone Soup recipe! Once again, no picture, but trust me you will put it in your repertoire of hearty soups for chilly days. We had it at the pumpkin carving party last year and I could probably live off of it all winter!

Enjoy some of these tasty bites and let me know what you think! Next weekend I'm making some pumpkin chili and will hopefully have pictures for that one!

the glorious adventures of nic and nat

2009-10-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

Nic and I have become quite the adventurers since I moved here! Our escapades have spanned many different areas, to include cooking, hiking and even exercising. I love that after work yesterday, (which I was supposed to get off at 6 and ended up staying to do paperwork until almost 7) I could call Nic and tell her about my never-ending paperwork and she offered to cook dinner for the both of us. She did admit that this prevented her from eating leftovers, but it was great to simply eat with someone who is in the same life stage.
We have laughed hysterically and cried over various events in our lives. I am so thankful that the Lord has placed her in my life at this point in time. The quote of yesterday evening was, "Together we make one very dysfunctional person!"
Last Sunday I was sleeping on the couch, which is my preferred piece of furniture for naps, when Nic called and asked if I wanted to randomly go hiking at 3:30 in the afternoon. Of course I was game for such an adventure! We managed to navigate to the trailhead for Section 16 and proceeded up the trail, which was awesome. We talked about life and God. What a great reminder of His vastness to be out in His creation and experience how it all attests to His glory and fame. We talked about Isaiah 40:27-30, which reminds us that God is "the Everlasting One, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow weary or tired; His understanding is inscrutable." We both shared how this helps to shape our knowledge of who God is.
After a rather trying week, God has helped me to have some closure and peace. He has truly reminded me of His great love through so many different routes and people. Thank you to all of you for the encouragement!
Up next: a cooking post - wow it's been a long time since one of those!

4 times...you think I would learn

2009-09-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was informed by someone of the opposite gender that what had been confusing and vague for me for the past almost year has apparently been over since that time. Amazing how men expect to be able to have this big conversation about "just being friends," and then proceed to want the same kind of connection that they had before this conversation. Does anyone else see how this would be confusing for me?
What is even more frustrating for me is that I could have prevented this all by just saying "no" a year and a half ago. "No" to long distance, "no" to lack of commitment, and simply listened to the advice in He's just not that into you. What compounds this situation is that it is the 4th (that's right, 4th) time this has happened to me. You would think I would learn to avoid men with the same traits and characteristics. That the next time a man says he's deploying or what have you and he's not looking for a romantic relationship, that is my cue to run fast and hard in the opposite direction.
I think what is even harder to stomach is the comment on lack of "electric connection." Really, seriously? Apparently this is a much bigger deal to men than it is to me. I believe that there must be a connection, but I don't foresee it looking like the Atom Bomb mushroom cloud. I am a much more firm believer in choosing to love someone and making that commitment. I know that when I'm as huge as the Titanic because I'm pregnant, my feet are swollen and I'm hormonal the only thing that will save my relationship is not a Big Bang, but someone choosing to love.
Apparently the old adage is true, "Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned." Although I believe that I handled the situation with the man in question very level-headed and appropriately. Now to find some comfort in the Psalms.

more weekend, please!

2009-09-20T13:59:00.001-07:00

I can hardly believe that this weekend is almost over. I have looked forward to sleeping in so much, and have successfully accomplished this task for 2 consecutive mornings. Much has passed in the last day, to include a hike in Garden of the Gods, investigating more potential housing options, making a yummy potato, green onion, zucchini & feta gallette, running, going to church, and gearing up for GroupLink at church tonight.
I've decided to take the plunge and try to get into a small group for the fall, even though it will mean one less weeknight to myself (selfish, selfish, Natasha!). I know that community is truly found in small groups, and I need to just muster my courage and proceed.
On a different note, I've started looking at my debt (yikes! Thank you, grad school.). I'm so close to paying off my car that I can practically taste it! If you have any ideas about how I can earn some extra money, my goal is to get the car paid off by March and then start chipping away on my student loans. I've started to investigate picking up contract work through some different organizations in town that pretty much will let me pick my hours and the number of patients I pick up, which would be great. I would be doing this work on top of my current full-time job. I'm telling myself to just do it for a year and then go from there. One of the things that people fail to tell you is that if you don't have the money for graduate school, it's probably not a good idea to go and have to pay for it with student loans. Not that I could have done much with my degree otherwise, but hindsight is always 20/20.
For those who didn't get the email or have time to view it, here are some pictures from Pikes Peak Challenge last weekend! We pretty much hiked in cool, threatening weather the entire way. The sun peeked out for a couple minutes around treeline, and then it went back into hiding. As we were getting into the van to leave the top, it started snowing! Enjoy, and hopefully I'll have a more coherent update next week! Oh, and please pray about housing possibilities - this is feeling like a marathon!

On the trail between Barr camp and A-frame/treeline.

The whole group hanging out for a few minutes at A-frame. The sun is shining!

We made it! Isn't our view from the top lovely? Nothing like ending the day in a cloud, literally!

Oh yeah, here's me. Hiking boots, long underwear and about 6 layers of shirts never looked so good, right? Ha!

I broke down...

2009-09-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

And bought a Kitchenaid Mixer off craigslist! Many of you know that I'm doing Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, and don't worry, the money came from somewhere so there's still a zero balance in my budget! I actually came home Thursday night and all of a sudden it dawned on me to look on craigslist for a mixer. I found one in Woodland Park for $125, which I called about Friday morning. My friend, Nicole, & I drove up to get it last night. I bought it from some folks that moved out here from Louisiana. The guy told me they had given up on baking in the altitude, which I found hilarious! I checked it out, made sure it works, and paid for the new kitchen implement! I did not come home & bake, just to let you all know. I thought it might be silly to place another mixer on the counter at the family's house I'm living in right now. Below is a picture of my new mixer! I guess I'll just have to take Keri's advice and someday when I get married register for a more sophisticated one or something! Making Kringle at Christmas will definitely be easier with a mixer, that's for sure. Now if I can just get my hands on one of those heavy duty rolling pins that you could practically kill someone with....

housing woes

2009-08-24T18:49:00.000-07:00

I am at the point where I really need to find a place & space of my own. I have loved living with families for the past year and a half, but I'm ready to open my boxes and pull out my pots & pans again and sleep in my own bed. My roommate situation appears to have fallen through for many reasons, so I am back to square 1 for the 200th time (ok, maybe it's not been that many times).
I started halfheartedly looking for apartments in the last 24 hours. I really am getting sick of craigslist and rentals.com. These are great resources if you want sketchy apartments without a washer & drier. Is it really too much to ask to have my own laundry appliances in my apartment? I mean seriously, I work with children all day. I get spit up on, sweat on and have kids stick there hands in their mouths (and who knows where else), and then wipe them on me. I want to be able to throw my scrubs in the washer whenever I feel the desire!
So, if any of you know people in Colorado Springs looking for a roommate or have any suggestions or ideas, I am open to any option that has a washer & drier and is not in Fountain (see previous post about shady towns right off army posts).

Cooking & wishing...

2009-08-21T16:16:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I went to see the movie "Julie & Julie," which was rather inspiring! I came out and decided that I was for sure making homemade Red Pepper Risotto (recipe courtesy of the Pioneer Woman). I was saddened though because I don't have a dutch oven and must make risotto in a large skillet. These are my two big kitchen implements that I would love someday:

1. Kitchenaid Mixer (on the list of very bad reasons to get married...more on that later)

2. Le Creuset Dutch Oven
I feel very materialistic saying that these are two pieces of kitchenware that I want to add to what I already have. I can definitely still make delicious breads, cakes, risotto & pasta sauce without these items. I guess they will continue to remain on the list of bad reasons to get married.

As for said list of bad reasons to get married, I will elaborate. Most of my friends from college are married and have been for at least a year and a half. Over the years, I have watched them date, get engaged, and attended all of their weddings. Hard to believe that somehow I'm the one not yet hitched. Based on my observations, these are the really bad reasons that I would get married without conviction of loving the man (not that this would ever happen):

1. The rock (aka the engagement ring). I don't mean any old silver or gold band. I mean a sparkly diamond!

2. The Kitchenaid mixer. It's like a rite of passage. You get married, therefore, you get a kitchenaid mixer. Several people have suggested that I just buy one myself. This idea completely defeats the purpose!

3. Cathy Koehler's jean blanket in a picnic basket. Now, to be fair, Cathy helped me cut out, piece, sew, find a machine quilter & dropped/picked up the quilt and bound a t-shirt quilt with a bunch of my college shirts. But, oh, the jean blanket! I feel like it's a "you know you're engaged when..." slogan in my circle of college friends.

I would never, ever get married just for these reasons, just to clarify this point again. However, it's fun to say that these are my bad reasons to tie the knot!

way to long

2009-08-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

I have officially slacked off and it has been way to long since my last blog post! So I will try to do a concise update.
First, the new job is amazing. The paperwork is a little daunting and I'm still learning a lot, but the environment is so supportive and I still love what I do. I'm learning a ton from my mentor & the other staff members, which has been a huge blessing.
In outdoor news, I'm hiking Pikes Peak on September 12th in support of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) awareness & prevention! The event is called the Pikes Peak Challenge, and I have to raise $150 in order to participate. If you are interested in helping to support me, please click here to donate. Every little bit will help! I really believe in this cause as I have personally worked with survivors of TBIs, and the research is definitely lacking right now. Also, TBI is the hallmark injury of the wars our soldiers are fighting in right now. These victims are often referred to as "the walking wounded" because often they are physically capable, but the brain damage has caused significant deficits. Look for future updates on training for this and pictures from the event!
Housing news consists of looking for a place to live, again. My roommate and I are trying to find a townhome to move into as soon as possible. This has been a frustrating process for me, especially since I thought we already had this figured out. My roommate also has some very specific places she wants to live, which has limited our options. Please pray that we would find something quickly that fits our needs and that the Lord would even provide for some of the "wants" so that we can have a home that serves the purposes He has.
I am continuing to meet new people and establish friends here, which has also been fun and challenging. I like to be genuine, heartfelt and real with people, which not everyone is open to. I am still looking for authentic community and trying to develop that. Thanks for all your prayers and support as I continue to transition to life in a new city.

first week

2009-07-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

This was my first week at the new job, and I just have to say that I am thrilled to be in this environment! The health system I'm working for is wonderful, with great benefits and mission, vision & values that I really want to strive for as a practitioner. The department I work in is amazing and welcoming. I know that I will learn tremendous amounts from clinicians that I work with in every discipline. I am also very thankful to have my caseload gradually built up, instead of walking into a completely full schedule. So many things about this new environment just have me excited and actually looking forward to go to work in the morning.
My summer adventures of recent have included heading to the farmers market in Old Colorado City a couple of times, hiking in North Cheyenne Canyon park & Waldo Canyon and meeting up with friends. Last night I went down to the drive-in movies in Pueblo, which was really fun! We used to go pretty frequently at Spring Canyon to the drive-in that played movies a couple times a month in Buena Vista, so it brought back many memories.
On a different note, I've continued to struggle with finding a "niche" for lack of a better term. I feel like I'm still on the edge of a lot of different groups, trying to make friends. I really want to find a true heart friend that I can be open, genuine with and simply live life together. God's asked me to give up some pretty tough things recently, which have been tremendously difficult. As my friend, Nicole, reminded me, "The problem with a living sacrifice is that it keeps crawling off the alter." I feel like no matter how many times I give these difficult things to the Lord, something reminds me of them and I have to drag myself back onto the altar all over again! Please keep all of this in your prayers. I really need the support of friends right now, and am so thankful for all of you.

summer adventures

2009-07-09T15:07:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of my summer adventures in the past week and a half. I completely forgot to take pictures at the 4th of July brunch, so you will just have to envision the general splendor and the mouth-watering aroma of blueberry french toast casserole & quiche.

First up, time spent with my aunt & uncle in Breckenridge. I invited myself to spend some time with them at their timeshare. We ended up doing a hike on the side of Mt. Quandary that leads up to Sapphire Lake Falls, which are in some of the pictures below.

Majestic Mt. Quandary

My aunt Linda & me on the trail

Sapphire Lake Falls!

Right before we left to head back down. Such beautiful falls!

The next adventure was a 14er. For those not Colorado or mountain savvy, a 14er is a mountain that is 14,000 feet or over. There are quite a few in the state of Colorado, and before this one I had done two: Mt. Yale & Mt. Columbia. Eva & I decided to shoot for a third one last Friday: Mt. Belford. We had high hopes of doing Mt. Oxford in the same trip, but we had a late start and didn't summit until early afternoon. Therefore, we just did Mt. Belford. We also stopped in Buena Vista on the way back at Bongo Billy's - what wonderful memories of going down there for a change of scenary from camp!

Eva crossed this standing up. I scooted across on my bum.

Start of killer switchbacks. My body was screaming, "You haven't done this since you were 20. What are you thinking!"

Eva made it to the summit block, took pictures, and then came back down to get me. So I guess she technically summited twice?

After much heavy breathing, pain, nausea and about giving up, I made it! Mt. Oxford is behind me. So close, yet so far away!

Eva & me at the summit. We snapped this shot quickly and then scrambled off the top because it was really windy.

Today's adventure took Nicole & me to North Cheyenne park. We hiked on the Seven Bridges Trail and promptly lost count of how many bridges we passed. We did see some pretty rapids, which managed to not make it into this picture. We also sat on a rock by the stream to eat lunch, which was fun! I'm so glad that Nicole & I can go do things like this during the week! Classic Nicole & Natasha moment: Nicole drove across town to see if I was home to get her cell phone out of my backpack. I was in the shower and had accidentally left the upstairs door unlocked. Nicole proceeds to bang really hard on the door, yell my name, and then come in and here the shower. She then stands outside again for a few minutes and comes back inside stomping around to try not to scare me. Needless to say, the phone was in the backpack and Nicole got it back!

new job!

2009-07-02T14:43:00.000-07:00

I know what you're thinking: "Seriously? Didn't you just start this job in June?" That's right, and now I'm switching jobs! My first work environment ended up not being the best fit for me as a new graduate. I was one of 4 PTs, and 2 of us were new grads. The owner decided to take vacation during our first month, leaving 2 new grads with 1 part-time experienced PT. The for-profit clinic setting was also not one that I particularly loved, as they tried to get a lot of kids through each day. So, long story shortened, the job that I had heard about in February and originally wanted finally opened. The rehab manager emailed me about whether I was still interested, so I applied, interviewed, and loved it! I will be on a staff with about a dozen other PTs, so lots of people to ask questions to, and I'm assigned a mentor and given 1 hour each week to meet with her. The mentoring piece was actually the big kicker for me, and what I was hoping to get in the other job. My previous boss was not very nice to me when I turned in my resignation on Friday, and Monday, at 5:45pm, I was notified that it was my last day. How nice, right? I'm just so glad that I'm moving on to a better environment. I'll be working at a non-profit hospital in Colorado Springs in their outpatient pediatric rehab. I will also get to wear scrubs to work! (They do have to be hunter green, but that's a minor inconvenience!)
Since I don't have to work until July 20th, I took a day and a half to spend time in Breckenridge with my aunt & uncle at their timeshare. It was so fun! Nothing like waking up in the morning & going outside to views of Mt. Quandary! We did some hiking in the area, and I'll post pictures soon, along with whatever adventure Eva and I have tomorrow hiking 14ers. Other big news: I finally have my PT license for the state of Colorado! It only took seemingly forever, but now I'm official & licensed! Time to celebrate!

job

2009-06-20T21:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I passed my board exam! I am done studying for a very, very long time! I am still waiting for final approval from the state of Colorado for my license, but the worst is over by far.
My new job is fun and trying at the same time. The staff and kids are great, with a few children that are definitely tough, but so far so good. The administrative aspect of the job has been the most difficult. Things like who tells me how many visits the insurance company authorizes, how to do billing, how to dictate notes, where my paperwork goes, etc, have been challenging and so much to remember. The other PT that started with me is a new graduate as well and we have become good friends. She shares the same faith background and is just a joy to be around. We've been able to bounce ideas off each other and ask each other if the other remembers different things we've been told. I'm excited to get to know her better and hopefully hang out some outside of work.
I've also found a church to plant myself in for the next year at least. It's called Woodmen Valley Chapel, and I've actually been doing a summer women's Bible study through the church. The Bible study is called "Anointed" and has teaching by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore & Kay Arthur that has been amazing so far (regardless of the fact that I haven't been able to finish all the homework!). I'm excited to get more connected in the young adult ministry called the Timothy Project, which meets Sunday mornings before church. I'll keep you all posted on more events as the summer goes on. I'm hoping to find a solid group of friends that I will be able to hang out with on a regular basis to do things like ultimate frisbee, hiking the incline and playing games. Moving to a new place definitely has it's challenges, but I know that I'm here for a reason. If nothing else, the beauty of hitting golf balls at the driving range at the Air Force Academy has been totally worth the move!

board....

2009-06-07T20:06:00.000-07:00

I've had a couple of requests for details about what is going on with my job and how I feel about it. I promise to write more on this topic! Right now, I'm just asking for prayer as I frantically try to review the last few areas before my big board exam. I take the exam this coming Thursday at 9am. It's scheduled for 5 hours (250 questions), but I'm pretty sure I'll be done before then. Please pray for me to recall information accurately and for focus during the exam. I've realized in recent days that I will not be able to take the exam, much less pass, without the Lord and His ultimate provision. I want Him to be glorified in this exam and the results! I promise to write more about the job after Thursday!

eagle's peak

2009-05-31T11:43:00.001-07:00

Eva & I decided to do some hiking on Saturday, tossing around a few different ideas. After calling one of the ranger stations & doing some more investigating, we decided 14ers were out. We decided to stay in the area, and opted for Eagle's Peak, which is on the Air Force Academy. We got some directions and hit the trail with Jessie in tow!
The trail was well-defined until we got to the stream, and then it was a little more vague. We actually ended up seeing some people later on who had taken the wrong "trail" and ended up on some other point. The view from the top was 360 degrees of incredible! Here are some pictures to commemorate our hike.

Eva posing by the little stream.

We found this cute little nook by the stream.

Jessie wants to know why I stopped moving. Get with the program, girl!

I used to live way out there in the flatlands, called "Kansas."

Just a peaceful view of Colorado Springs and the Air Force Academy.

P.S. We found spray-painted white arrows on rocks on the way down. That would have been helpful on the way up!

memorial day

2009-05-26T15:49:00.000-07:00

I have officially moved into my living arrangements in Colorado Springs! This Memorial Day weekend certainly has been memorable in the sense of the adventures of moving. While I was driving across Eastern Colorado, my passenger windshield wiper blade decided to take a flying leap, literally. I drove from the Kansas/Colorado border to Colorado Springs with 1 wiper blade in scattered showers and downpours. Pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. The Air Force Thunderbirds have been practicing outside today for the upcoming Air Force Academy graduation. Amazing how sound travels slower than the planes. By the time you hear the noise, the planes are past you already. Yesterday, we had people over for Memorial Day. We started talking about how this federal holiday was designed to honor those who have fallen in the line of duty protecting our freedoms. So easily we forget the price paid by many to live in the comfort and peace that we have in this country. Here is just an excerpt from an email my Dad sent me when I was getting ready to go to Hawaii and see the USS Arizona Memorial. You see, my great uncle Bill Curry was killed in the boiler room of the Arizona during the attack on Pearl Harbor. Just to help you understand what my Dad is initially talking about, I had asked a question about the stars that military families hang in their windows, knowing that the blue is for those deployed, but remembering that there were other colors too:

The stars system was blue stars on a flag were for those in service and gold stars were for those killed or missing in action. Your great-grandmother Curry had 2 flags in her window in Lexington, MO, with at one point 5 blue stars and 2 gold stars. (The famous Sullivan family of Waterloo, IA, had 5 gold stars and 1 blue star for the 5 brothers lost on the USS Atlanta off Guadalcanal and a sister who served in the Navy later in the war.) The blue stars were for Grandpa Curry, great uncle Charlie, great uncle Byron, great uncle Nate and great aunt Laura - all who served in the Navy. Your great aunt Laura was a navy reserve nurse serving in a hospital in New York. The gold stars were for great uncle Bill and great uncle Bob.

Your great uncle Bob was captured on 23 December 1941 when Wake Island fell to the Japanese and spent the rest of the war in prison camps until liberated in August 1945. When he was captured, he weighed 190 pounds and when he was liberated he weighted 98 pounds. When asked why he didn't try to escape, he said that at 6-2 with blonde hair and blue eyes he was not going to blend into the population in China or Japan (the places he was held captive).
When you visit the WWI Memorial, remember that your great-great uncle Roy Curry (for whom Grandpa Curry was named) served in the 35th Division (Missour-Kansas)in France during World War I. He was wounded with shrapnel in the leg in the Meuse-Argonne battle in 1918. While waiting at the aid station to be treated, the Germans fired poisonous mustard gas on the station. He walked with a limp and wheezed from the lung damage for the rest of his life. He died in 1964 and is buried right in front of Grandpa and Grandma Curry.

So if you ever wonder why the American Legion Post at Parnell, Mo, is named the Curry-Richardson-Sparks & Wahldier Post, our family has paid the price to be so honored. Great-great uncle Roy was a charter member of the post and it has become a point of honor that all of the Currys who have served have joined the post. Currently, your great uncle Nate, my first cousin Robert Curry (who served in the Navy during Vietnam) and I are all members of the post.

bittersweet

2009-05-17T19:33:00.001-07:00

This weekend has been such a bittersweet time for me. Friday was my physical therapy class's hooding ceremony, and the first time that I've seen many of my classmates since December. Saturday morning was the official School of Allied Health graduation ceremony, followed by a KU Alumni Association luncheon (I had a strong urge to wear purple & start doing the wabash, but I refrained). Saturday evening was my class's graduation party and was a great opportunity to see many more of these incredible people before we all scatter to various places for work. My class suggested superlatives for different people, and here is what was listed for me: "Most likely to be organized and on top of assignments, hence the slogan 'What Would Natasha Do?'" I laughed pretty hard, even though I'd heard about the phrase before from another friend & classmate. I guess it's a compliment?
I'll try to post some pictures from the weekend soon, too. My mind still has a difficult time fathoming that 3 years ago I started this long, arduous process and didn't think the end would ever come. Now, I look back and see how much I've grown as a person and how much I've learned as a professional in this time frame. And this is just the beginning! I will miss my classmates and instructors - it really was a group effort to get to this point.

girls weekend

2009-05-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was such a blur, I don't even know where to begin! I arrived in Kansas City Friday afternoon after waking up at 4am and just not being able to go back to sleep. I set out on the drive just before 5am and got coffee at one of the stops. Big mistake! Instead of my normal 3 stops for the entire trip, I had to stop 5 times to go to the bathroom!
Saturday I felt so blessed to spend some time with great girlfriends from college. Even though I live in the same town as most of them, we hardly see each other. Two of us are moving to Colorado Springs. I am so thankful that Rachel will be out there too!

These are just a few of the girls. One friend's husband called it "ditch the dorks weekend," which I have found incredibly funny, and laugh every time I think about the phrase.
Sunday was the Open House for my graduation (yes, I know I don't technically graduate until next weekend, but the timing was better this weekend). Once again, I felt so loved and blessed by all the people that showed up to congratulate and support me. Unfortunately, I was busy talking with everyone, and I wasn't able to take pictures (bad!). You'll just have to imagine the general splendor of the event.
All of these things have caused me to think about how much I'll miss Kansas City, even though I've been so excited to leave. It will probably take me years to develop the caliber of friendships that I have here. I'm just trusting that God is sovereign in the midst of it all!

advice from Louise

2009-05-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

Words of wisdom passed along from my Aunt:

"You know what they say: Absence makes the heart grow fonder...of someone else!"

"Italian men don't make good husbands. They can be very domineering. My mother always said marry a Jewish man. They are much better to their wives and families."

"It's a good sign if couples are fighting. It means they are communicating."

I find these comments interesting and in some instances comical! Anyone else have words of wisdom to pass along from their aunts or other family members?

10 chick flick cliches

2009-05-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

I found this clip (click here) while perusing Amazon.com to see when "He's Just Not That Into You" comes out on dvd. It's one of those days where I need some movie like that to make me laugh and feel a little bit better about myself. Probably just a fluke day, since it's overcast and I've missed my Colorado sunshine. Anyone who has seen any number of chick flicks will appreciate the clip and probably laugh a little bit at the truths about the cliches listed.
On another note, we're looking at houses/apartments again tomorrow. Hopefully we'll find something that we absolutely fall in love with and I won't have to put all of my household goods (that sounds funny...I don't have a "household") into storage for an indefinite time frame and continue to live out of rubbermaid bins. I'll keep you all posted!

hope

2009-04-26T07:38:00.000-07:00

I have been able to take a step back and really try to take one day at a time recently. I started reading in 1 Peter as part of my devotions, and decided to see what Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Bible had to say about the book, and the first chapter in general. The book is addressed to believers throughout the nations. What I found particularly insightful was Henry's description of hope: "Hope, in the world's phrase, refers only to an uncertain good, for all worldly hopes are tottering, built upon sand, and the worldling's hopes of heaven are blind and groundless conjectures. But the hope of the sons of the living God is a living hope; not only as to its object, but as to its effect also. It enlivens and comforts in all distresses, enables to meet and get over all difficulties."
I want my hope to be grounded in Christ. I want to know that the effect of hope in my life produces a desire for things beyond the scope of this world. A hope that brings comfort in the most uncertain times, enabling me to step toward the challenges, knowing that this is not where my hope lies. I want to extend that hope to others - a hope that isn't built upon an uncertain longing for some sort of goodness. But, instead a hope that is life giving and a guiding lighthouse in the storms and quiet seas.
That said, we looked at quite a few houses on Friday and found some that we liked, but are going to look again this coming Saturday. Please pray for us to find the exact house that the Lord would want us to be in. One that would allow us to extend hospitality and life to those around us. Also, please pray for us to find a third roommate. The houses that we liked would require that we find one other person. I know that the Lord will provide in exactly His timing for all of these requests. Thanks for being a part of my life and for lifting up these needs!

overwhelmed

2009-04-18T18:50:00.000-07:00

As the week has progressed, I am feeling more and more overwhelmed. I have been working close to (if not over) 50 hours a week, I need to finish my special project for this rotation, put together my inservice, find a place to live and study like no ones business. I had to shovel the thick, heavy, feet of snow twice from the driveway due to the crazy winter storm that attacked our area and prevented me from getting away to Colorado Springs this weekend. Timelines are starting to light up like Christmas strands all over my planner. To make matters even more tough, I need to move on from lots of different things in life. It's hard to move on though when there's not much to move on to at this immediate time.
All this to say that prayer is much needed and appreciated (as well as me spending some quality time in the Word). I can't do this alone, never have been able to and have always seen the importance of community in supporting people through all different times in life.
Now I need to get back to my projects and studying...

love letter

2009-04-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a collection of love letters recently, and came across one that I thought was particularly touching that I thought I'd share. The author is Major Sullivan Ballou, who was with the 2nd Regiment of Rhode Island Volunteers during the Civil War. The letter was written to his wife, Sarah, right before the Battle of Bull Run, in which he was killed. I remember hearing this letter when I was a child, watching the PBS Civil War series.

"July the 14th, 1861
Washington, DC

My very dear Sarah,
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days - perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.
Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure - and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine, O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing - perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain the Government, and to pay that debt.
But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows - when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children - is it weak or dishonourable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?
I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death - and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.
I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and "the name of honour that I love more than I fear death" have called upon me, and I have obeyed.
Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistably on with all these chains to the battlefield.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honourable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me - perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar - that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.
Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftetimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot, I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.
But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night - amdist your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours - always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.
Sarah, do no mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.
As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father's love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.
Sullivan"

inside cooking day

2009-04-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

The wind was rather nasty today, but otherwise, the weathermen were not on target with the pending "blizzard." I did stay in though and started off the morning with strawberry baked oatmeal that I found via Marie's blog. We used 1 cup of steel cut oats, and it still worked great!
The next great cooking adventure was making sweet potato gnocchi. We used a bag of frozen sweet potatoes that you can then mash, which saved time on the baked potato part. Then you add 1/2 t. salt, 1/2 t. nutmeg, an egg and flour until a soft dough is formed (1 1/2 - 2 c). We then rolled the dough into little balls, like those pictured below.

Next you bring salted water to a boil and drop in the gnocchi. When they are floating on the surface, they're done!

We served them with homemade pasta sauce and eggplant (with a glass of red wine, of course!).

After dinner, my aunt made pie crust, which I think I may start using her recipe for that as well. She then put together an apple pie the way my grandma would, using tapioca in the filling. Believe me, it's actually great! I'll have to make it again and take some pictures. For now, I think I've had enough grand adventures in the kitchen for one weekend.

antique-ing

2009-04-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

My boss gave me today off since he's gone, which was great as I got to spend some time with my aunt and watch the sky for the impending doom of the blizzard that is on the way. I miss Kansas City spring thunderstorms!
On this lovely day off, I got up, ran and then my aunt and I went to a little dive looking restaurant that serves the most delicious pancakes! We tried a sampler of Lemon Blueberry, Bananas Foster, Tiramisu and Strawberry Cheesecake pancakes, all of which were so tasty. After this adventure, we went to an antique mall where my aunt's friend has a booth with beautiful furniture and other pieces. I was on the hunt for some antique cordial glasses and ended up coming home not only with glasses but with Currier & Ives plates. The antique mall is one of those places where if I'm not careful I could end up with a lot of useless but fun purchases. The plates were something that really struck me because of the different color of blue and the scenes that make me think of the song "Over the River and Through the Woods" - definitely Americana. I only bought 4 plates, and have decided that I will use them for decorating at this point, but I may decide to find more of them in the future to actually use. Although, the plates will remain in the basement of my aunt's for now until I actually move into some housing arrangement in Colorado Springs.
My aunt and I have also decided to do some cooking tomorrow while we get loads of snow. Look for an update about making sweet potato gnocchi and apple pie (the way my grandma used to make it!). I'll try to include some pictures too!

fountain

2009-03-31T13:28:00.000-07:00

In the past few days I have taken up the cause of finding housing for Nicole & myself by perusing craigslist instead of studying for my board exam. Probably should be doing the latter, but it's an excuse for a few minutes of not studying. As I've been looking at housing in the Colorado Springs area, I've noticed some fabulous finds....in Fountain.
Let me explain why I have an immediate aversion to Fountain. For those of you who do not know, my dad is a retired Army officer, which means that he had a college degree and my family was typically around other officers' families. I grew up at an Army post that was primarily an officer installation due to the school that was located there. My first real experience on a large troop housing base was going to Ft. Riley in college, and I was pretty shocked. I try not to dwell on stereotypes, but there are just some very common ones with enlisted soldiers and their families that can drive me crazy. Also, every large military base seems to have this part of town (or just a town) that is full of sketchy motels, gas stations, bars, etc. Fountain is this to Ft. Carson.
So, needless to say, when I've passed along ideas for Nicole, I definitely avoid the whole Fountain area. We could probably get a great house for lots cheaper, but I'll take sanity first, thanks. In reality, we both would like to live near downtown anyway, and Fountain would probably be a good 25 minute commute for me to work. I will keep looking for a cute house near downtown with lots of character for us to live in!

job!

2009-03-24T18:01:00.000-07:00

I feel like my life is flashing before my eyes, but today I took a position as a pediatric physical therapist in Colorado Springs! Hard to believe that it's at that point in my life. I will start receiving a salary, paying off student loans (finally), and beginning a new chapter of my life in yet another new city. I'm absolutely thrilled about the environment that I will be working in and my new co-workers. I will definitely be busy, but I will learn so much and be challenged in so many good ways. Please continue to pray for the process of finding a place to live (anyone need roommates in Colorado Springs?) and entering into a new community. These times of transition are so good in providing me with new ways to trust Father for great things. I'll be moving to Colorado Springs over Memorial Day weekend and will start work June 1, which will be here before I know it. I'm sure that I will be posting more about this entire journey as more develops. But for now, I need to get busy studying!

birthday blessing

2009-03-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

I have just been so thoroughly overwhelmed by the birthday wishes today! Every time I checked my phone at work there were new messages, and my email inbox was overflowing with well wishes from so many people. I felt so loved!
After work, I took a short run in the neighborhood around my aunt's house in the 70 degree weather before going out with my cousins. We went to a little sports bar, because the Irish pub had a line forever long, had drinks and ate. Afterward, we came back to my other aunt's house for Italian Cream Cake and birthday time with the rest of the family that couldn't come to dinner. I just enjoyed being surrounded by so many people that I love on my birthday, and it was the first time ever for me to be with this part of my extended family on my birthday. I must admit that I've liked being a military kid most of my life, but when it comes to family celebrations, I enjoy being with this part of may family so much! This birthday will be a memorable one for so many reasons, and I know there will be more like this to come. Thank you to all of you for the birthday greetings, too!
Here are some pictures from the hike up the incline this past Saturday with Tom & Jessie. Don't I look amazing in running tights? (*not*)

first week

2009-03-15T06:33:00.000-07:00

I have officially been in Colorado for just over a week now. I have loved almost every minute of it too! There's something about being here that just captures my heart and brings me to a different place in life altogether. Here are a few things that I have loved in the first week:

- Running after work on trails
- Driving towards the mountains every morning
- Aunts, Uncles & Cousins!
- Hiking the Manitou Springs incline (even if it kicked my rear this time - I will conquer it!)
- Hanging out with dear friends that I haven't seen in a long time (sometimes years!)
- The daily reminders all around me to pray for people

I'm still a little bit in shock that I am here and not at my original assignment. What a tremendous blessing! Another huge praise is an upcoming interview in Colorado Springs. I'm absolutely thrilled about this possible position, so please keep the interview in your prayers. I'm sure there will be more to come on that topic in upcoming months.

kansas city

2009-03-06T11:39:00.000-08:00

I leave tomorrow morning bright and early for Colorado! I've been packing, loading my car and cleaning all day. Time for a blog break! Here are some of the things I will miss about Kansas City:
* Summer Theater in the Park with friends and picnic dinners!
* Student discounts at Starlight, the Opera, the Symphony & most especially the $20 tickets for the Lion King that were originally $120!
* Running the Kansas City 1/2 Marathon every October (and the personal best that I did this year!).
* Running on Mill Creek Trail and in Shawnee Mission Park.
* Shopping at Town Center and the Plaza.
* Scooter's!
* The blasted Chinook that flies around Olathe at least once a month (is it sad that I can now tell what it is by the sound it makes?).
* Hot guy Hyvee.
* Celebration at the Station for Memorial Day and the cannon for the 1812 Overture.
* The Plaza lights at Christmastime.
* Sprint Thanksgiving Day 5K.
* Bumping into people in Target and Starbucks.
* First Fridays - art and chocolate!
* Working with some of the cutest children ever.
* Sushi with awesome people!
All of these things would not be nearly as meaningful without the amazing friendships that I've had in the past almost 3 years. I will miss my Kansas City family and will visit frequently!
Now to start this process all over again as I uproot and begin life in Colorado!

snow

2009-02-28T05:58:00.001-08:00

Today is the last day of February. As if to make sure that we experienced enough snow this month, the weather has done just that. I woke up this morning to a beautiful winterscape out my window with the lawn, driveway, street and neighboring houses all covered in snow. I'm thankful that I really don't have to go anywhere until later, as I really just want to sit and enjoy the beauty of the falling snow. Something about the flakes gently coming down just soothes me and is so peaceful. I'm reminded of fond memories of playing in the snow with my dog as a child, sledding in the yard and all those other fun winter activities that shape a part of my memory. Recently, snow causes me to think about snowshoeing and skiing, which are some of my favorite snow adventures as an adult. I'm reminded of Colorado, and get more excited about being there with my family and friends. I leave one week from today! Hopefully I will take some pictures of the snow in the yard and post them later today.

pancake day!

2009-02-24T15:41:00.000-08:00

In honor of national pancake day, shrove Tuesday or fat Tuesday, I've decided to post a bit on these delightful breakfast treats. Pancakes are one of those things that I automatically associate with Saturday mornings (and usually my Dad coming home from running ready to eat them, cause that's what Army families do on Saturdays, didn't you know?). I've tried many different, delicious pancake recipes over the years, and have a repertoire of quite a few winners. Here's the most recent addition, which is superb - enjoy!

Lemon Ricotta Pancakes

1 c flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
3 Tbsp sugar
3/4 c ricotta cheese
3/4 c milk
1 egg
1/4 c lemon juice
2 Tbsp melted, cooled butter
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 tsp lemon zest

1. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a small mixing bowl.
2. Combine the wet ingredients in a mixing bowl.
3. Mix together the wet and dry ingredients, gradually adding the dry mixture to the mixing bowl.

4. Cook on griddle over medium heat 2-3 minutes per side.

We like to eat them with maple syrup and fresh fruit (strawberries, blueberries and raspberries, oh my!). If you're feeling especially indulgent, add a little bit of whip cream on the side!

the first born

2009-02-21T11:25:00.000-08:00

I am a first born. This position comes with certain quirks and qualities, as I've discovered while reading the Birth Order Book, by Dr. Kevin Leman. Here are a few things that I've learned while reading the book:
#1 As a first born, I am a perfectionist.
This quality is actually really frustrating for me. I tend to have unrealistic expectations of myself and others. This would probably also explain why I end up disappointed and thus angry.
#2 As a first born, I am an artful procrastinator.
Procrastination actually ties into the perfectionist part, believe it or not. I procrastinate when I don't think I can do something to the high standards that I have set for myself. Therefore, I end up waiting until the last minute to complete a project that I'm afraid I won't do well (I know, it doesn't exactly make sense.).
#3 As a first born, I often have a hard time saying "no" and end up taking on too much.
If any of you know me well, you are probably saying "no kidding!" Last year I worked 20 hrs/week as a graduate assistant, was actively involved in student government, was a full-time graduate student and managed to be part of a Bible study. When did I sleep, you ask? From 11pm-5:30am.
#4 I have a huge fear of sharing who I really am because I'm afraid of being rejected.
This plays out in many aspects of my life...I won't go into a lot of detail.
#5 As a perfectionist, little things drive me crazy.
In college, I remember asking my roommate to please not leave the closet door open, because it bothered me to have it block the bathroom door. Can you believe that? I really need to keep working on not sweating the small stuff.
#6 As a first born, I grew up fast.
I attribute a lot of this to being a first born and that I was also the more social child in my family. I interacted with a lot of adults, especially since I didn't have a sibling for the first 3 1/2+ years of my life. I've also somehow felt this need to make sure my family is ok and take care of people, which I also consider part of growing up fast.
#7 Avoid relationships with other first borns and only children.
I find this extremely hilarious! Most of my closest friends are first borns or first born girls, who often display the same tendencies as other first borns. I think that I have enough experience negotiating and peacemaking (thank you, RA experience), that I do a better job of being friends with those in my same birth order. However, I do have strong opinions, and I need to be conscious of not plowing people over with those thoughts.
The book also recommended that first borns avoid marrying other first borns or only children, and instead that the "ideal" match based on birth order is a first born sister of brothers and a youngest born brother of sisters. I find this really perturbing, because I really don't want to "mother" any man and have to challenge him to grow up. Believe it or not, I actually get kind of tired of being the "responsible" one. Picture this -> I was the first born of 2 youngests and have a younger sibling. I feel like I somehow ebbed responsibility from my first breath. Can I for once have someone else take on that role? Thanks Birth Order Book!

the future

2009-02-14T14:11:00.000-08:00

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." - Corrie Ten Boom

I came across this quote in my Bible study the other day and was struck by the certainty with which she appears to have made this statement. One of the verses that I love is Jeremiah 29:11 - "I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." The quote and the verse intertwine so beautifully. The future may seem uncertain in my eyes - finding a job, moving, finding a place to live (& hopefully roommates!), making new friends and simply starting over. The Lord knows all of this and more. I want to rest in His peace as this huge time of transition approaches in my life.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T08:08:00.000-08:00

For as much fuss as I made about Valentine's day earlier this week, I really have enjoyed it after all!
The evening before my dear friend, Kelly, and I made dinner together (fajitas & yummy tiramisu that I made a couple of days ago!), and then attended the Kansas City Symphony. The performance consisted of works by Beethoven and Mendelssohn, including part of an opera called Leonore by Beethoven, which was sung in German. I loved it!
I woke up on Valentine's day and did some yoga, which reminded me of how much I really enjoy the practice of sun salutations every morning (must do this more frequently). Then we had awesome Lemon Ricotta Pancakes with fresh blueberries and strawberries! The flowers I received from Kelly and my Dad (thanks!) are beautifully arranged in a vase in my bathroom, and have just been so cheerful to gaze at while I'm brushing my teeth and getting ready for the rest of the day. Cathy and I went to see "Confessions of a Shopaholic," which wasn't at all like the book, but still really entertaining and gave me lots of laughs! This evening we went to Sushi House and had amazing crazy lobster, godzilla, philly, spicy tuna and crunchy rolls (pictured below are the lobster and crunchy rolls). For those who may believe that sushi is "unsafe" to eat west of the Appalachians and east of the Rockies, this would have seriously changed your opinions! We ate in a little room that we had to take our shoes off before entering, and basically sat on the floor. The evening was so much fun and will definitely be a lasting impression for a great Valentine's day!

These memories will stick with me for so long. I've really thought quite a bit about my "last" memories of Kansas City as this year has continued to progress. My last Kansas City 1/2 Marathon, last Plaza lights, last time going to Starlight and Theater in the Park. These experiences have been such a part of my life and routine in Kansas City the past 2 1/2 years, and it will be sad to leave. However, I know that God's plans are perfect, and that He will give me new experiences and opportunities as I transition to life in Colorado. I can't believe I start that whole process in less than 3 weeks now!

prayer

2009-02-10T17:13:00.000-08:00

I realize that my recent posts have been a bit on the reality check and sarcastic side. Lately, I've been learning so much through my interactions with the Lord, that I wanted to share just a glimpse of this with you.
I've been going through an amazing Bible study with my dear friend, Kelly, that has really reached into my life and helped me examine my heart and fostered a deeper intimacy with the Lord. The study is called "a heart that dances," and was recommended to me by a very wise woman, who's opinion I value so much. This week's study is looking at the life of Mary, the Mother of Jesus, and some of the truths that can be learned from her experiences. In one of the introductions, a brief summary of Catherine Marshall's life was also provided, including a piece of a prayer of relinquishment that she wrote while sick with tuberculosis. Something about the concept of relinquishing really struck a cord with me, and I sat down to write one of my own. Here's my prayer of relinquishment:

Lord, I come before you with this heart to hand over. I've tried to do things my way time and again. I've done everything in my power to get what I so desperately want, and I've failed miserably. So now I come before You and ask to know You and be used by You. Whether broken or whole, single or joined, do anything you like with my life.
Lord, trusting You is something that I want to come naturally in my life, like breathing. My own devices have failed me, and now I come crawling back to You, withered and disappointed. Give me back hope and faith in Your unfailing love. Give me You above all else, and do with my life as you wish. You owe me nothing, but love me fiercely anyway.

leading up to Valentine's Day

2009-02-09T03:23:00.001-08:00

*Disclaimer: the following statements were made by a romantic who hides behind cynicism.

If anyone has known me for a while, they understand that I have a rather strong, depths of my stomach churning feeling towards the holiday that shall not be named. I mean really, can we dispense with the pleasantries and call it singles awareness month? Because that's how I feel most of the entire month of February. Nothing like being reminded by the entire US Marketing sector that I will not receive any of those things (except maybe a card from Mom - thanks!), or the "love" that they are meant to show.
MSN has a great article that sums up many of my feelings on the subject of the day that shall not be named: Check it out by clicking here. The next article on "10 Things We Hate About Valentine's Day" is pretty entertaining as well. As much as I love to hear what everyone else will be doing on that day, I am firmly committed to going to see a movie alone and probably studying, or at least trying to make myself feel remotely productive on a day where I have no plans. Since I'm not allowed to date guys who are not into me (which makes me wonder if anyone is left, just like the girl said in the movie), I will not be doing anything in that scene. So, Happy Valentine's day to all you happily in-relationship people!
Now for my own top 5 reasons why Valentine's day is great for me not to be in a relationship:
5. I can wear my pajamas all day, even to the movies, if I so desire.
4. I get to pick what I want to eat and how late I want to sleep - no pressure.
3. I don't have any heightened anxiety about what this day "means."
2. I can pick whatever chick flick I want to go see that day.
1. I bust out the Valentine's day Bible verse that I've had since high school. "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." - 1 John 4:10. Just in case you couldn't remember the real definition of love.

a fresh start

2009-02-08T17:23:00.001-08:00

Blogging, as some of you know, has not been my forte in the past. I struggled to write something that resembled updates when I lived overseas. After a long hiatus, I've decided to give it another shot. Not that I can contribute anything exceptionally witty or informative, but I do hope to bring some insights and amusement to a few.

Today, I went and saw the movie "He's just not that into you." I read the book last year (thank you Jamie, who did not need such a book, being already happily married), and learned some tough truths. If he's not calling, texting, emailing, dating or marrying you, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!
Let's give some hypothetical scenarios, just to clarify. If you send text messages or leave a voicemail without a response, ever, he's just not that into you. If he gives you a whole bunch of reasons why this is really bad timing to meet someone and start dating (i.e. he's in training, going on a trip or whatever lame excuse he gives), he's just not that into you. If he calls you to hang out after his fiancee dumps him, he's looking for a rebound, and, you guessed it, he's just not that into you! A guy who really is into me will make it happen, no matter what the extenuating circumstances.
As hard as it is to face the facts, I am doing myself a favor by recognizing these things now. I am totally worth having messages returned (and him calling me in the first place!), actually being in a relationship that is called dating and not a limbo phase called "hanging out" or something random like that. So, from now on, I refuse to do anything resembling dating with someone who is not that into me!
*Note: Some of the hypothetical scenarios may be based on actual fact.